Tag: do
Friendship: Unnecessary for Survival?
Prompted by a C.S. Lewis quote posted by fellow-writer Mark Zellner, 
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.
New to my life is this:
I’m a manager on Saturdays at Spring Gate Vineyard in the tasting room.
It’s a place where friends meet. It’s a great place to get to know people, and also to study people as they socialize (observe and people-watch).
People could meet there for business, and some do. But these sorts of gatherings are few by comparison to all the others.
There’s something about friendship that gets enhanced through the communing with food and drink in a bucolic setting. People linger and relax. They smile more.
I’ve never seen someone pre-occupied on there smartphone, unless they were checking on their friend’s arrival. Most everyone is fully there enjoying the company, the setting, and of course the wine (and the food from the caterers we partner with).
Alcohol? Is that part of the equation?
Not in the way you would think.
This is no place of obliteration with alcohol (the odd exception being the occasional limo parties who make us one stop of many). It’s a moderate environment in every way.
Friendships that can help moderate the cruelties of life are a treasure.
The complexities of flavors…in the wine, the food, and the company are savored where I work. And that is the sweetness of life.
I do pity those without friendship. I pity those who do not make friends by being a friend. My mother told me this is how it works. I agree with her, but that’s how you get one started.
They need nourishment, cultivation, compassion, and sometimes weeding or pruning–the hard work of digging in and getting dirty when things are not perfect.
And I do pity those who dare not trust and risk to forge close friendships, because the rewards of deep friendship are lavish.
(This is not to say that pain will be absent from friendship. Any friendship without some pain is a swallow one. Sadly, though, the threat of this (typical sort of) pain keeps too many watching at a distance.)
Perceived betrayals and miscommunication are the tannin.
And like tannins make wine better as it ages, the bumpy patches can (potentially, and with God’s help) work positively make our friendships get better with age.)
I’ll add to Lewis’ thought,
“Cooperation-not friendship-is necessary for human survival…but friendship elevates survival and gives it the balance, lovely complexity, and long, sweet finish.” -LD
So there is, like many things in this world, a “wastefulness” about friendship. Like beauty and ingenious design, of say a fly’s wing or a plant, friendship has something that points off the map to a greater reality. A greater Truth.
Friendship may be the most necessary thing after all to feel fully alive. It taps deeply into our wiring, into our human need for connection and meaning. It may look a bit different for each of us, of course.
Without it we may have a disease of mind, or of society at large. Without it we can tap into the hopelessness that strikes when we feel we are forgotten or alone. Disconnection is hell after all.
Protected: Finding your Purpose: Part IV “P” (The WISP Method)
Finding Your Purpose: The WISP method (STEP III: “S”)
So, I’ve surprised you with 2 untypical ways to find purpose in your life.
Here (Step 1) and Here (Step 2)
Hopefully, by now you’ve done homework and feel like you are progressing in new ways.
(I’d love to hear about it! Send me a note.)
Now we are on STEP 3
“S”
Service
This one may make little sense to you.
You may think,
“Really? That sounds backwards. I don’t know my purpose yet. I’ll try service once I get that figured out, duh.”
It’s not as backwards as you think.
What will appeal to us in terms of service is often closely tied to our talents, gifts, and greater purpose.
Here’s an example:
When my kids were very little I made a point of helping my friends prepare for a big, yearly program. Instead of being fulfilling, it was frustrating and felt futile. I realized that my skills and passions were better served elsewhere. This eventually lead to many other types of service that tapped into my greater purpose and held greater meaning for me.
In the beginning, what drew me to help out was a sense of friendship, community, and desire to love and minister to others–to be part of something greater than myself. Those were all things I kept seeking. What I left behind were projects that could miss the forrest for the trees. The experience helped me know when projects were too detail-oriented to be optimally useful in a greater way, for my preferences.
Would I have been able to narrow things down for myself without making this (seeming) mistake? No. And it wasn’t a mistake to help, it was a clarifying exercise.
Would I have been able to decipher what types of service aren’t a good fit for me without this experience? Unlikely.
In serving, something else happens. It’s big and you’ll see the pattern once I mention it:
In losing ourselves we are found.
That means by taking ourselves out of the middle, we can see and choose better and more easily.
(It doesn’t mean thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less–by design. Thus, we more expertly “stumble” on to bigger insights.)
In a way, you don’t find your purpose at all, it finds you.
From my perspective, finding God works the same way. You are only lost to yourself, not to God. So you don’t so much “find him” nor does he “find” you. Instead you wake up.
The same holds true for finding your purpose.
We tend to assume, just by default, that finding our purpose must start and end with us. Not so.
Just like Worship, service makes finding your purpose far easier because it becomes a revelatory process. Finding your purpose, like finding happiness, comes as a byproduct of doing other things.
So where can you start with meaningful service that will help you find your purpose?
Here are some categories and qualifiers to explore:
If one stands out as more meaningful, or ignites your passions (which is directly connected to your purpose), try that first. Check with your church, your community, your local schools and organizations, local charities, or just asking around to see what available or sounds like a good fit.
What ever it is, do something. The key on this step in ACTION followed by reflection.
If you are already serving, reevaluate it. It is leading you to a greater purpose or holding you back?
(If you are overly involved in service, then it’s time to scale back.)
HOMEWORK – take some field notes on the following questions:
• Do you like Creating? (What do you like and how do you like to do it?)
• Do you like helping and being useful? In what ways?
•Using your body more than your mind to help out?
OR
Using your mind to help more than your body?
(At the end of the day, which feels more satisfying and why?)
• Do you like being the glue that holds people and projects together?
• Does helping behind the scenes feel meaningful?
• Do you like detail-oriented projects…
OR
Being the visionary that comes up with and starts the project?
• Do you like teaching? (If so, what about it appeals to you?)
• Do people in need ignite your passions?
What about your past service appealed to you and why?
(If you don’t have much past service to serve as a gauge, that’s your biggest obstacle. Start right away. You are much too “in the middle” of your world and you need a break from yourself.)
[You guesses it! This is handy-dandy notebook time! Write out your field notes from the questions above.]
Also consider:
What specific population do you feel drawn to serve?
(It’s okay to specialize and then turn away things that fall outside your scope. This refinement is usually helpful. However, once in a while change it up and serve outside your specific domain–it will surprise you by opening new doors or clarifying your purpose further.)
Types of Populations:
• elderly
• children
• poor
• students
• the needy
• peers
• 20-somethings
• new parents
• the forgotten populations (immigrants, incarcerated, homeless, mentally ill, etc.)
• who else?…
Assess how your TALENTS and SKILLS play into your past service decision.
• What sort of technological knowledge, special skill, unique experience, or centering insight makes certain kinds of service easier?
• What is your “backstory”? Your backstory tends to shift you toward you purpose.
The next step is “P”…come back soon.
Do you know anyone who’s struggling finding purpose, or feels “off-track”? Pass this along!
Funny Friday: When Sleep is Boss (photos)
Have you ever fallen asleep in an odd place?
Standing up?
In the bath tub?
At the movies?
Sometimes, I get sort of a “sleep attack”. I don’t think it’s narcolepsy, but I’ll feel my brain start going into delta waves or something–like a sheet is being pulled down over me. It’s almost like passing out slowly.
If a cat is deprived of sleep first it goes insane and then it dies.
Cat naps are essential.
As fellow-mammals, I’m not sure that we are so different.
Sometimes sleep is the boss of us.
That’s why these 3 images were my favorites from a slew I came across. Which one do you like best?
Was this a wet cat trying to dry out?
Not sure about the lumbar support situation here, but I see a supple feline in complete relaxation.
Waiting for hotdogs? (This could end poorly)