hard work Archives - Lisa Colón DeLay | Spiritual Formation and the Way of the Desert Elders

Friendship: Unnecessary for Survival?

Prompted by a C.S. Lewis quote posted by fellow-writer Mark Zellner, hug

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.

New to my life is this:

I’m a manager on Saturdays at Spring Gate Vineyard in the tasting room.

It’s a place where friends meet. It’s a great place to get to know people, and also to study people as they socialize (observe and people-watch).

People could meet there for business, and some do. But these sorts of gatherings are few by comparison to all the others.

There’s something about friendship that gets enhanced through the communing with food and drink in a bucolic setting. People linger and relax. They smile more.

I’ve never seen someone pre-occupied on there smartphone, unless they were checking on their friend’s arrival. Most everyone is fully there enjoying the company, the setting, and of course the wine (and the food from the caterers we partner with).

Alcohol? Is that part of the equation?

Not in the way you would think.

This is no place of obliteration with alcohol (the odd exception being the occasional limo parties who make us one stop of many). It’s a moderate environment in every way.

Friendships that can help moderate the cruelties of life are a treasure.

The complexities of flavors…in the wine, the food, and the company are savored where I work. And that is the sweetness of life.

I do pity those without friendship. I pity those who do not make friends by being a friend. My mother told me this is how it works. I agree with her, but that’s how you get one started.

They need nourishment, cultivation, compassion, and sometimes weeding or pruning–the hard work of digging in and getting dirty when things are not perfect.

And I do pity those who dare not trust and risk to forge close friendships, because the rewards of deep friendship are lavish.

(This is not to say that pain will be absent from friendship. Any friendship without some pain is a swallow one. Sadly, though, the threat of this (typical sort of) pain keeps too many watching at a distance.)

Perceived betrayals and miscommunication are the tannin.

And like tannins make wine better as it ages, the bumpy patches can (potentially, and with God’s help) work positively make our friendships get better with age.)

I’ll add to Lewis’ thought,

“Cooperation-not friendship-is necessary for human survival…but friendship elevates survival and gives it the balance, lovely complexity, and long, sweet finish.” -LD

So there is, like many things in this world, a “wastefulness” about friendship. Like beauty and ingenious design, of say a fly’s wing or a plant, friendship has something that points off the map to a greater reality. A greater Truth.

Friendship may be the most necessary thing after all to feel fully alive. It taps deeply into our wiring, into our human need for connection and meaning. It may look a bit different for each of us, of course.

Without it we may have a disease of mind, or of society at large. Without it we can tap into the hopelessness that strikes when we feel we are forgotten or alone. Disconnection is hell after all.

Finding Your Purpose: Using the WISP method (part II)

Here we are at PART II.

If you didn’t read the first post in the series,
it’s the important first step.

You don’t want the ISP method. That would be weird. :)

Read about the “W” by clicking HERE.

As I’ve studied transformation and purpose I’ve noticed there seems to be something slippery about it. Sometimes we can feel derailed or question our purpose. It’s rather ordinary, in fact.

The famous people in the Bible went though times of doubt and I’m glad those ancient accounts are included because it helps to know that the human condition is rife with slumps, bumps, murky waters, aimless wilderness periods, and questions about what we should be doing on this “Big Blue Marble”.

We tend to see these periods of purposelessness or doubt as problems instead of as part of the journey.

The WISP technique is something I came up with to keep me on track.

I find that keeping a notebook of the process makes it much simpler.

Did you do your homework?
Make sure you do it before you encounter the next step, okay?

STEP 2

“I”

Inquiry

General inquiry is not what the “I” in WISP is about.

This step of the process helps to loosen our firm grip on seeing and directing our lives as usual.

This type of inquiry:

is one of faith
leaves some open-end questions up in the air, for now
digs down deeper into underlying blocks and fears
taps into a greater understanding of human purpose and how to get there

For this step, you get your handy-dandy notebook out and start by making a list of all the questions you have on your mind right now. What’s bothering you?

Write. It. Down.

There may be many questions. Just get started. Write as much as you can for about 10 minutes.

As you write them out you will find that categories or patterns emerge. If you don’t, let the questions sit and add more in a day or so. Then, look again. If you still don’t see patterns, ask for help from someone you trust.

Examples of possible inquiry/question patterns:

What can I do that I love that will provide enough money right now?
What have I enjoyed doing the most and what happened during those times?
What will it take to get prepared for the next leg and how will I pay for it?
What caused my last failure and how could I have prepared better?
What is bothering me about Mr [So & so]’s success?

Do you see the pattern that started to emerge here?

It’s Money.
Fear of failure and jealousy are cropping up too. All good to see.

When we put down our burning questions our fears will be revealed.

Our fears cloud the way to finding our purpose, but…

“The remarkable thing is that our fears themselves are not the obstacles but the vehicles that lead to finding and fulfilling our purpose.” -LD

Example:

Josie finds it hard to find her purpose. She’s been unhappy at her job and wants to make a bigger difference in the world.

Through inquiry she locates the root of her fears, and realizes that her compassion for the intellectually disabled is because of her own story.

She always felt stupid in school. A learning disability made it hard for her to read in first grade. Eventually, she did well in school, but the fear of not being smart enough still distracts her and clouds the pursuits of her greater purpose.

Josie’s purpose lies in working closely with this population.

Upon realizing this, Josie sets out with new verve to get experience and the additional skills needed to find other more meaningful work and accomplish her greater purpose. She creates goals to get there.

Goals are measurable. Wishes are not.

During a period of inquiry we may inquire of God and others we trust, too, but we have to do our hard work ourselves, and not cop out.

If we ask questions of them, we have to be prepared to both listen without judgment and superimposing our wishes and agenda (for the time being), but also we need remove the weeds from all that we are hearing get to the best and most useful parts for the next step. No ACTION is required, just honest inquiry, awareness, and digging around.

In this stage, answering all the questions isn’t as important as having the guts to ask them honestly.

The next step is “S”.

(scroll down)

Sometimes just doing the first two steps will create a breakthrough. You may have found your purpose already. If that happened, I encourage you to see the whole method through regardless. If you find yourself closer to understanding your purpose right now, that’s great, but you’ll be surprised by the next two Steps, and you shouldn’t miss out on them.

HOMEWORK:

Make your inquiry list.

You don’t have to answers the questions yet, just put them out there.

Let them percolate for a few days and then return to them.

Note what patterns emerge. Add new questions.

See what new perspective you come up with.

Click for the next post here.

Non Profit: RE-invented as “For Purpose”

When you tell someone that you work for a non profit, (or a ministry, or a charity…)

You often get one of three reactions:

1. A strange and muted pity.

Some times this is accompanied by slow nodding and maybe an awkward silence and change of subject, or some refer to some one they know who sort of does the same sort of thing (awkward empathy).

“Oh, yeah, my uncle was a pastor. He died unappreciated and penniless.”

2. A bemused reaction, “Oh, okay. How…nice.”

3. A flummoxed stare.

They think something went wrong.

Or, that you must a be a bleeding heart, or maybe you are just confused about what you really want to do.

“Oh, I thought you were…um… (smart and industrious)…but, you can’t get paid much, right?”

Sadly, I had to leave a non-profit graduate school as the Director of Communications because I needed to pay bills.

I worked with the nicest group of people I’ve ever worked with. We did exciting and transformative things that make the world a better place. In the end though, my family needed, literally, a roof over our heads (lots of leaking in the attic). I had no choice but to look for work to meet that pressing need.

Strangely, I’ve sensed in all the non-profits I’ve worked with, so far, that there is going idea was that you have to give up something to be there. The rules are different and you just have to suck it up and put big girl pants on, and such.

You have to be okay with being very poorly compensated.

Now, it isn’t for lack of will to do it. The funding (really-the lack of funding) just can’t support something otherwise. However, there is something more. A kind of unconscious (maybe?) communal ascension to thinking is cemented way that makes change, improvement, and sometimes even success difficult.

It’s a disabling mindset, really.

We can get stuck is a false conundrum that subtly discredits the fulfilling work being done because it it conversely attached to a conflicting paradigm that claims profit = success. By definition then, non-profit = non-success.

(Any pockets of moralizing that all the hard work is to be for treasures in heaven one day, hardly makes it easier.)

I wonder if there is a better way.

Adam Braun thinks so. He gets to a great point: We shouldn’t start labeling ourselves as failures. We shouldn’t be apologizing for doing awesome things in the world asa 501C status.
(Have you ever done the old……”Oh, yeah, we’re a non profit.” …as eyes shift downward in shame…?).

The truth is…

Being centered on a purpose rather than existing for a profit is the most important sort of work on the planet.

The good news is that certain business models can be infused to make the whole system more successful. That’s how Adam set up “Pencils for Promise” **(click on Adam’s photo to get to his website…but, wait…just a minute more)**.

I love what how he describes for-purpose organizations as a places…

“where idealism meets acumen.”

adambraun

How great to see this important shift happening. I have GREAT hope in Millenials!

I look forward to infusing both purpose and profit into what I’m doing. Who says they have to be in silos!?

For me, it started with a passion project: the book I created with Doug Jackson in August (2013). Some proceeds are earmarked for 2 -for purpose- groups that care for dogs and cats.

The most exciting thing I’m involved with now is the new resource that keeps the underdogs (but not canines) in mind and offers a high Return of Investment (ROI).

The knowledge gained translates quickly into success (be that revenue, exposure, or impact).

The non profit (for PURPOSE) organizations are the ones with such heart. I want them to succeed.

If you are interested, click HERE.
Read what others are saying about it.

Have YOU ever worked for a ministry or other kind of non profit?
What was the mindset like?

Don’t miss the next post, friends.
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Moms, Don’t Wait for the Book Deal

In a conversation I had recently with some writing friends (friends that regularly write…and all of them mothers), I realized that they all were hoping to be discovered through blogging to land the book deal they wanted. It happened to a few people and they really hoped it would happen to them. They were really trying to make it work. It was frustrating for them. Some felt jealous, some bitter, some resolved to prove they could do it.

It’s really an out-of-date idea this blog to get a book deal thing. Maybe 7-10 years out-of-date, or more…though once in a while it works.

It’s like playing Powerball. It seems like you could win big, but you never do. It’s someone else.

There is a whole industry propping up this idea of landing a book deal too. Billions and billions of dollars are wrapped up in it. There are conferences, agents, tons of ebooks, paper books, articles, and whole websites to help you do blogging and writing better and to help you get published or build your platform that will interest and convince publishers. But the actual premise of all this is like the cassette tape. It worked once, and was considered normal, but now there are better options for your talents. Ones that feel more deeply meaningful too.

David Jones via Compfight

Over the next few months, I’m going to be going in depth about how you can actually make money writing.

It’s not by freelancing,

blogging and guest blogging,

selling website ads,

getting a book deal,

or self-publishing.

What could it possibly be then?

5 Questions you have to answer before you can be a success.

Cory Brown via Compfight

It’s crazy!

4 times this week I’ve been approached for my brain!

I’ve heard things like, “You’ve done a great job strategizing and promoting so-in-so, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’d like to ________ (be a published author, sell my ebook, get speaking gigs, create a following, etc.)”

So I thought maybe instead of giving the info out time and again I could create a post with strategy tips to get you started if you fall into that category, too.

If you’re a musician, expert, artist, writer, speaker or whatever…it’s harder than ever to get noticed and build a following of those who will want what you have to offer.

It’s the problem of TOO MANY OPTIONS. (It’s paralyzing)

Most publishers, for instance, won’t even look at your stuff without an agent. They have cut their staffs and gone with sure-bets, like celebrities who hire ghostwriters. (I’m contractually obligated to avoid specifics on that bit.) But, you know what ? Agents want sure-bets too. You’re stuck researching and writing endless proposals to prove you are a good bet that just get rejected after all the hard work most of the time.

It’s even worse if you don’t know your way around a blog, promotion, social media, or ways to integrate what you are doing with the right people. You get stalled!

In the end, making something great is only half the battle.

You have to execute. As Seth Godin says, “You have to ship.”

I’ve found that great “crafts-people” (think good at a certain field: experts, academics, talented artists, experts, artisan, inventors, writers, signers, etc) often lack in the area of marketing themselves well and creating connections that pay off. They do something great, but don’t have the lateral thinking prowess outside their niche to know how to get it sold or stake their claim in their field.

As one person put it, “I’m an academic. I stay in my study and write and hope someone magically wants to read it.”

Well, that won’t work, of course. Others have to know about you to realize that you are amazing.

It’s hard to be good at both craft and marketing / connecting, but those are the people who really make it. Or the people who make it know how to delegate properly for what they aren’t expert in. That’s a KEY point. (Keep that nugget. it’s free.) :) You just can’t do it all.

Here’s the hopeful part!

Even if your aren’t a celebrity or infamous or have someone huge to vouch for you to land a deal, there is a lot you can do to generate buzz, especial if you can mobilize your fans/audience that already trust you. It the wilderness route, but with a little bit of $ and lots of hard work (a.k.a. “bootstrapping”) it can make a dent.

Through bootstrapping and almost no money I get 100,000 visitors. That’s nice and all, but it’s not as fun as helping others realize their goals and dreams.

So, I want to help. This below is some of what I’ve been telling other people as they get started.

Get a piece of paper! (seriously)

If you have something you want to share and make a name for yourself, or you want to start getting compensated for your goods, services, or talents be prepared to answer these questions specifically:

(yes, on paper or in a digital document, right now)

1. Who is your audience and how many people would buy the book (or service or product) from you *right now*?

2. What is your budget for marketing and promotion? (This of course will determine how much can be done.) You shouldn’t go forward if you can’t spend $500 – 1,000 to get the ball rolling. If you don’t have the money, you should save and do a bunch of leg work first on your own. Again, with the bootstrapping.

(This means you have to put what you love to do on hold, or hire out help.)

3. What are you doing already to promote what you have, if anything (website? Facebook page or group? speaking? workshops? readings at the library? church groups? MOPS? social media accounts? gathering an email list of fans?) (Be able to show what, if anything is already being done so it can be can ramped it up, or started if it hasn’t been.)

And what could you do, if you started? (write it down)

4. What connections do you have or people do you know who would help you get the word out? colleagues? teachers? librarians? leaders? church folks? groups, camps, and clubs? anyone famous or well connected (like to Focus on the Family, for example? ) People in tv, radio, bloggers, local newspapers, or journalists and writers to feature you?

5. What can you offer for free to build trust and gain a following?

That’s it!

…But, sometimes it’s overwhelming! If you’ve haven’t thought to ask these questions, you fall into the category of craft-person more that of “marketer” or “promotion and communications guru”…and that’s fine, but you’ll need help.

I can help. Contact me!