I want to say something substantial about the life and death of Robin Williams, but I’m still reflecting on it. It’s too big.
My brain is stumbling and stuttering on it all.
Here’s a short something that’s been percolating today and I hope to find more thoughtful things to say later. It’s just sad and it’s hard to write when I’m sad.
A life cut short is sad and tragic. But, a life negated (taken. i.e. in a murder of one’s self) instead of lived is incomprehensible. Incomprehensible to a healthy mind.
The instinct to live is so primal that we avoid accidents and death reflexively. A deer crosses our path and we slam on the brakes without ever thinking that we are making the choice to save our lives. We duck when we hear loud sounds.
But, too much thinking that can go badly.
Depression is illness. One that kills. It grabs hard and won’t let go. Chronic depression is like a blindness that never really ends until you do. You can get through life, but you are impaired the whole time.
Having struggled with it in fits and stages since early adolescence, I’m more devastated by the idea of depression beating Williams than I thought I’d be. I also compensated for it all by trying to be the funniest person in the room.
Eventually, I looked for healing instead. Sometimes I feel like I’ve found it, at least in part.
“[of Depression] All it wants is to get you in a room alone and kill you.” –Harvey Fierstein
Hopefully, by now you’ve done homework and feel like you are progressing in new ways.
(I’d love to hear about it! Send me a note.)
Now we are on STEP 3
“S”
Service
This one may make little sense to you.
You may think,
“Really? That sounds backwards. I don’t know my purpose yet. I’ll try service once I get that figured out, duh.”
It’s not as backwards as you think.
(Creative Commons photo)
What will appeal to us in terms of service is often closely tied to our talents, gifts, and greater purpose.
Here’s an example:
When my kids were very little I made a point of helping my friends prepare for a big, yearly program. Instead of being fulfilling, it was frustrating and felt futile. I realized that my skills and passions were better served elsewhere. This eventually lead to many other types of service that tapped into my greater purpose and held greater meaning for me.
In the beginning, what drew me to help out was a sense of friendship, community, and desire to love and minister to others–to be part of something greater than myself. Those were all things I kept seeking. What I left behind were projects that could miss the forrest for the trees. The experience helped me know when projects were too detail-oriented to be optimally useful in a greater way, for my preferences.
Would I have been able to narrow things down for myself without making this (seeming) mistake? No. And it wasn’t a mistake to help, it was a clarifying exercise.
Would I have been able to decipher what types of service aren’t a good fit for me without this experience? Unlikely.
In serving, something else happens. It’s big and you’ll see the pattern once I mention it:
In losing ourselves we are found.
That means by taking ourselves out of the middle, we can see and choose better and more easily.
(It doesn’t mean thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less–by design. Thus, we more expertly “stumble” on to bigger insights.)
In a way, you don’t find your purpose at all, it finds you.
From my perspective, finding God works the same way. You are only lost to yourself, not to God. So you don’t so much “find him” nor does he “find” you. Instead you wake up.
The same holds true for finding your purpose.
We tend to assume, just by default, that finding our purpose must start and end with us. Not so.
Just like Worship, service makes finding your purpose far easier because it becomes a revelatory process. Finding your purpose, like finding happiness, comes as a byproduct of doing other things.
So where can you start with meaningful service that will help you find your purpose?
Here are some categories and qualifiers to explore:
If one stands out as more meaningful, or ignites your passions (which is directly connected to your purpose), try that first. Check with your church, your community, your local schools and organizations, local charities, or just asking around to see what available or sounds like a good fit.
What ever it is, do something. The key on this step in ACTION followed by reflection.
If you are already serving, reevaluate it. It is leading you to a greater purpose or holding you back?
(If you are overly involved in service, then it’s time to scale back.)
HOMEWORK – take some field notes on the following questions:
• Do you like Creating? (What do you like and how do you like to do it?)
• Do you like helping and being useful? In what ways?
•Using your body more than your mind to help out?
OR
Using your mind to help more than your body?
(At the end of the day, which feels more satisfying and why?)
• Do you like being the glue that holds people and projects together?
• Does helping behind the scenes feel meaningful?
• Do you like detail-oriented projects…
OR
Being the visionary that comes up with and starts the project?
• Do you like teaching? (If so, what about it appeals to you?)
• Do people in need ignite your passions?
What about your past service appealed to you and why?
(If you don’t have much past service to serve as a gauge, that’s your biggest obstacle. Start right away. You are much too “in the middle” of your world and you need a break from yourself.)
[You guesses it! This is handy-dandy notebook time! Write out your field notes from the questions above.]
Also consider:
What specific population do you feel drawn to serve?
(It’s okay to specialize and then turn away things that fall outside your scope. This refinement is usually helpful. However, once in a while change it up and serve outside your specific domain–it will surprise you by opening new doors or clarifying your purpose further.)
Types of Populations:
• elderly
• children
• poor
• students
• the needy
• peers
• 20-somethings
• new parents
• the forgotten populations (immigrants, incarcerated, homeless, mentally ill, etc.)
• who else?…
Assess how your TALENTS and SKILLS play into your past service decision.
• What sort of technological knowledge, special skill, unique experience, or centering insight makes certain kinds of service easier?
• What is your “backstory”? Your backstory tends to shift you toward you purpose.
The next step is “P”…come back soon.
Do you know anyone who’s struggling finding purpose, or feels “off-track”? Pass this along!
As I’ve studied transformation and purpose I’ve noticed there seems to be something slippery about it. Sometimes we can feel derailed or question our purpose. It’s rather ordinary, in fact.
The famous people in the Bible went though times of doubt and I’m glad those ancient accounts are included because it helps to know that the human condition is rife with slumps, bumps, murky waters, aimless wilderness periods, and questions about what we should be doing on this “Big Blue Marble”.
We tend to see these periods of purposelessness or doubt as problems instead of as part of the journey.
The WISP technique is something I came up with to keep me on track.
I find that keeping a notebook of the process makes it much simpler.
Did you do your homework?
Make sure you do it before you encounter the next step, okay?
STEP 2
“I”
Inquiry
General inquiry is not what the “I” in WISP is about.
This step of the process helps to loosen our firm grip on seeing and directing our lives as usual.
This type of inquiry:
is one of faith
leaves some open-end questions up in the air, for now
digs down deeper into underlying blocks and fears
taps into a greater understanding of human purpose and how to get there
For this step, you get your handy-dandy notebook out and start by making a list of all the questions you have on your mind right now. What’s bothering you?
Write. It. Down.
There may be many questions. Just get started. Write as much as you can for about 10 minutes.
As you write them out you will find that categories or patterns emerge. If you don’t, let the questions sit and add more in a day or so. Then, look again. If you still don’t see patterns, ask for help from someone you trust.
Examples of possible inquiry/question patterns:
What can I do that I love that will provide enough money right now?
What have I enjoyed doing the most and what happened during those times?
What will it take to get prepared for the next leg and how will I pay for it?
What caused my last failure and how could I have prepared better?
What is bothering me about Mr [So & so]’s success?
Do you see the pattern that started to emerge here?
It’s Money.
Fear of failure andjealousy are cropping up too. All good to see.
When we put down our burning questions our fears will be revealed.
Our fears cloud the way to finding our purpose, but…
“The remarkable thing is that our fears themselves are not the obstacles but the vehicles that lead to finding and fulfilling our purpose.” -LD
Example:
Josie finds it hard to find her purpose. She’s been unhappy at her job and wants to make a bigger difference in the world.
Through inquiry she locates the root of her fears, and realizes that her compassion for the intellectually disabled is because of her own story.
She always felt stupid in school. A learning disability made it hard for her to read in first grade. Eventually, she did well in school, but the fear of not being smart enough still distracts her and clouds the pursuits of her greater purpose.
Josie’s purpose lies in working closely with this population.
Upon realizing this, Josie sets out with new verve to get experience and the additional skills needed to find other more meaningful work and accomplish her greater purpose. She creates goals to get there.
Goals are measurable. Wishes are not.
During a period of inquiry we may inquire of God and others we trust, too, but we have to do our hard work ourselves, and not cop out.
If we ask questions of them, we have to be prepared to both listen without judgment and superimposing our wishes and agenda (for the time being), but also we need remove the weeds from all that we are hearing get to the best and most useful parts for the next step. No ACTION is required, just honest inquiry, awareness, and digging around.
In this stage, answering all the questions isn’t as important as having the guts to ask them honestly.
The next step is “S”.
(scroll down)
Sometimes just doing the first two steps will create a breakthrough. You may have found your purpose already. If that happened, I encourage you to see the whole method through regardless. If you find yourself closer to understanding your purpose right now, that’s great, but you’ll be surprised by the next two Steps, and you shouldn’t miss out on them.
HOMEWORK:
Make your inquiry list.
You don’t have to answers the questions yet, just put them out there.
Let them percolate for a few days and then return to them.
Today, I’m sharing with you my thoughts and draft notes as I prepare a talk.
If you’re getting stuck and feeling like you can’t find your purpose, or if you thought you knew your purpose and now you don’t really–don’t worry.
Although your basic human purpose changes very little, the details can change at different stages in life or in different circumstances. You are normal.
If you don’t know this bit about the shifts of purpose, you can go through dark periods needlessly and have longer slumps. Well, enough of that!
The WISP technique is something I came up with to keep me on track.
Not that there could be a “technique” per se.
Think of it as a rule of thumb or guide, if that helps.
Do you have a notebook?
Grab one.
Purpose – the finding and keeping of it – can be slippery. So, field notes help.
Keep track of your progress. It gives you a structure and a history to check on.
STEP 1
W
Worship
Does this sound a bit odd? Worship. The more odd it sounds to you as a starting point, the more you need to do it to get properly orientated straight-away.
Worship is other focused, by nature. Yes?
That new perspective alone can help you make a break-through. But, really it’s much more than that at work.
“As we worship a fundamental shift happens because we remember who we really are.” -LD
At first blush it seems like worship is for God, because he is owed our worship. True?
That’s really only part of it. Let’s dig deeper:
1. God doesn’t need ANYTHING from us. He’s not insecure.
2. This means that Worship is to him (or toward him), but for OUR benefit.
To put it simply, God commands us to worship him because he wants it to be well with us.
[He knows we need it. Sure it’s his due, but he’s not an egomaniac. He’s always been taking care of us, even through the vehicle of worshipping him.]
When we fail to worship God, we start to worship lesser gods, like…ourselves, other mortals, our ambitions, the gods of the secular, dying world, and countless vanities.
Astray is where we go without properly directed worship.
Few things can create more clarity than a rightly worshipful heart.
• Clarity is a byproduct of worship and so are many other positive things I won’t get into this time.
Remember what Worshiping God helps us remember:
Who we are
Who we love (and who loves us)
And to whom we belong
Don’t feel like worshiping?…well you have to start somewhere.
Loosen your grip on your desires and expectations until you finish this stage. Shift your posture and you will find a new take on your life and on your purpose.
Back to that Handy-dandy Notebook!
(Shout out to Dora the Explorer)
Note feelings, changes, attitudes in your field notes now and during worship.
So where or how should you start in worship?
You can start with something that tends to speak to you and get through to you. What worked before? Start there and keep pushing through. Maybe you’ll find something new or maybe something familiar will help.
OPTIONS:
For some this may mean getting a true break from others and a return and appreciation of the created world. (A walk, a camping trip, a hike, a solo picnic.)
For some it’s music and song. (Just listen, create some, or sing along.)
For some it’s just praying for a while. (It’s talking to God, so it’s a great place to start, if possible.)
Here’s a quick “course” on how it works:
“Praying the names of God” is to first, come up with 10, 20, or 100 names of God. There are plenty: Savior, Redeemer, Creator, Father, Shepherd, Mother Hen, Majestic…you get the idea. As you say, write, and pray the names, roll them over in your mind. What do they mean? Let them affect you, be thankful and rejoice, and (of course) express your thanks and gratitude to God in prayer…which would be the actual worshiping part.
Example: “God you are my Provider. You have taken care of me and continue to. I thank you for providing for me, even in ways I don’t now about. God you are my Rock…”
Reading the Bible might help trigger true worship. Reading the psalms or the great Bible stories like the one of Joseph can inspire a true attitude of worship. You can read using the practice of Lectio Divina for some extra punch too. As you read thorough a portion, note the works or wonders of God, and pray about them, giving glory to God. Worship.
Maybe you have other ways to get the worship started. So, just get started!
HOMEWORK!
You thought this was just some quick reading or some mental exercise, huh?
Nope. I’m asking more of you.
Assignment:
Use a notebook to record your mode of worship and your attitude at the start, during the time of worship, and afterwards. Then, continue to enter into times of short (5-15 minutes) and uninterrupted worship experience for a few days, or until the next post (which ever is longer).
