Tag: asking
The “Don’t Do This” Phenomenon
“Don’t kick elephants!”
If you are like most people you are thinking of elephants right now, and you weren’t 30 seconds ago.
You might even be wondering what would happen if you did kick an elephant.
Yes?
There is a certain psychology around how things get to the top of the mind.
We get the wrong results when we don’t understand it.
As a marketing consultant I’ve learned to adjust for it, but it’s still a challenge to remember.
We all can bear it in mind.
For instance, as parents we can learn that…
When we call direct attention to something that is not “top of the mind” we make it “top of the mind” unintentionally and can get the worst results imagined.
Not true if we allow the person to come to a conclusion through their own mental process.
One of the best ways to do that is by asking a (literally) thought-provoking question instead of giving an edict.
So for the child who kicks things…
Prior to the situation we can ask…
What sorts of things happen if we kick someone hard?
It may help boost empathy too.
Here are other 5 lessons about “top of the mind”:
- Being blatant can be a barrier to being effective.
- You can mention what you don’t want, sometimes, to incite certain thoughts.
- The uniqueness of the statement sometimes carries more weight than the call-to-action.
- Hidden influences can steer us the wrong way.
- Emotion can often trump directness.
You won’t learn more tactics if you don’t click here.
(You catch that?) :)
Tactics Kit is FREE for just 9 more days.
(with discount code “BETA”)
Be an “elephant and never forget” the good stuff you learned here today.
Sign up for the next post (through Feedburner) in the right side bar and think about peanut butter.
MMM!
Are you using a GPS? (advice to communicators and startups)
We tend to think that we operate out of our values as if it’s like a default setting on a washing machine.
The truth is, at best, we are consistent at that stuff only sometimes. Not because we are horrid cads, but because we get busy.
If you are a person of faith or want to live from a set of important values, you can’t take this modus operandi for granted.
You have to do some groundwork. (I’ll get to specifics in a moment.)
First, the short story of Jackie will help us out.
Jackie is tax consultant. She had worked for a national brand firm in town and was striking it out on her own–almost by accident and not all at once.
It started when she kept noticing that some of her friends and family members didn’t know what they were doing. In a panic, usually at the end of March, they started asking her for help. Most of them didn’t know enough to get the best refund, and she heated the idea of that.
She picked up some side work, and within two tax seasons she had herself completely booked at tax time. About 20% of those clients needed accounting help throughout the year for their small business. She also found a few non profits clients too. She really needed help by the third year and had left her other job by then.
Like you would expect, she hired help and plunged into her work.
I didn’t put too much weight into the particulars of hiring. I was so busy with the details of getting the work done. So, the most important thing got steamrolled by the urgency of my work.
Things started going badly.
Out of the 3 part-time workers, only one of them actually had the same values as she did. She realized this too late and it created friction and a tense working environment. One person left and started bad-mouthing her in her small town. The other position seemed like a revolving door of employee turnover. She almost quit the whole thing. It was keeping her up a lot at night.
Jackie didn’t have Human Resources Training or organizational management training. She just had a bunch of work and she was good at those skills. She needed to clone herself.
It didn’t come to that, of course.
Fortunately, a mentor gave her some great advice. She said,
Back up a bit. Sit down and put your most important values and business aims down with ink on paper. It’ll work like a compass or GSP. It will help with both the route and destination.
It worked. Her commitment statements guided all her business decisions after that. Hiring, training, working with clients, getting new clients, and getting her little company running smoothly needed that solid foundation.
It’s a great lesson. If you aren’t using a GPS you’re going to get lost.
Before you take on side work. Before you hire someone. And most importantly, before you get busy, do the ground work so that your priorities and core guiding principles are something that flow out and throughout all your interactions, not get tacked on afterword.
If you value honesty, joy, compassion, and persistence, for instance, make them the anchor for all the skills you execute and all the projects you take on.
Have you initiated your GPS? Do you have your guiding principles on paper and operate from them?
I hope that was helpful.
Do you know someone who might need this advice?
Please share!
27 Things to Talk About At Thanksgiving Dinner
There’s no place like home for the holidays…
It can be fun, it can be World War III, or something in-between…but there’s no place like it!
I checked around and found out some people are counting on one thing to get them through Thanksgiving this year.
• Food? No.
• Gratefulness? No.
• Football? No.
• Shopping? No.
What then?
Booze.
That’s right, the medicine that’s kept family feasting bearable since the dawn of time. Even cave-dwellers were digging up their stashes of mead before gathering with the clan around the family fire pit and feasting on wooly mammoth, or what-have-you.
Some families don’t drink alcohol, of course. This is no time for hair-splitting. You’ve come here for help. Scroll down for the resource!
For introverts holiday gatherings can be tedious, but it’s more than that. It seems that most of us are less used to conversing face-to-face. It’s a lost art. We get itchy so soon now to numb out or escape on smartphones, tv, and the computer and then time for connection is wasted. Or, the discomfort of connecting (or misconnecting) has us looking for the exits. I’ve been there!
Here’s the truth: When extended families get together there’s usually baggage, off-limit topics, old wounds, jealousies, and enough backstory to create torrents of anxiety. That’s the side of the holidays that doesn’t make it to the commercials.
No, it’s not always like this.
Sometimes it’s just family fun and favorite foods, and good times from start to finish, but that isn’t really the way things go typically. At the very least there’s the stress of the adding obligations and scheduling everything will wind things up.
Here’s some help!
Rather than zone out or make guests uncomfortable, which is also time-tested family tradition in many homes too, try these conversation starters as you feast and holiday! Recycle them for other days if you had fun with it, or think of some of your own. Don’t put pressure on anyone to play, but use this quick download as an excuse to to try something different. It really doesn’t take much to upgrade your holiday.
You might want to implement a 2 hour technology fast. This seems like a great idea…then you do it and 20 minutes later your nerves start to fry. (That’s what I mean about a lost art!) This can help with that.
Feel free to view, download or print the file below.
Other tips:
• You might want to place a printed question under each plate, or into a hat to draw from. Feel free to have duplicate questions circulating too.
• A person can answer the question that they get or they can swap with a previous question (your house rules can be different–just have fun with it. The point is to have fun).
• Remember keep the whole thing chilled out and enjoyable.
Not sure how to start?
Just say, “Hey, everyone, I thought this year instead of just asking everyone what they are thankful for, I thought we could play a game while we eat!
• If it doesn’t work out, just blame the game. Easy-peasy.
Click here to read, download, and print.
(It’s also a good way to get your kids involved and keep them busy.)
27 Things to talk about:
THANKSGIVING FEAST – TABLE TALK “GAME”
(FILE) Tabletalkgame DOCUMENT
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I’d love to hear how things went.
Let me know! and stop back to hear the audio podcast released twice per week.
Know someone who might need some holiday help?
Please share !
Giving up my Birthday (for clean water)
I’ve donated my birthday month for @charitywater.
In my case, this means I’m donating $1 for every year I’ve been alive, and I’m asking you to help me celebrate my birthday by helping others whose lives are in danger in Tigray a region of Ethiopia.
That’s right….This year, I don’t want stuff. I don’t care about getting cute cards either or gift certificates.
It would bless me so much to know that you help me to help others.
So, please contribute any amount in my honor, and yours! Let’s be a blessing.
Click the photo for more details about the project!
Or go here –> 2013bday to learn more.
Would you like to give up your birthday too? Click here.
( http://bit.ly/yQp39t )
