Soul School – Lesson 47 Genetically-determined Fears and Ancient Memory

Welcome to Spark My Muse!

Welcome to SOUL SCHOOL.

These brief “lessons” are released each Wednesday
(on “Hump Day” aka Midweek).

• Come back FRIDAYS for intriguing guest conversations!


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SHOW NOTES:

It’s intriguing to think that emotions, like fear, could be epigenetically started in one generation and carried and expressed in offspring. That’s what a recent study in lab mice revealed. What could it mean in terms of “Ancient Memory” or certain predisposed fears; and can fears (in RNA receptors) that have been switched on, be switched back off? Today, I discuss this story and share both a reflection and a challenge.

Here’s the article in Scientific America that I refer to in the episode.

Here is the research study paper about the study itself.

Thank you for listening!


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Soul School Lesson 38 – Unconventional Thoughts on Suicide and Depression

Welcome to SOUL SCHOOL – a bit of nourishment for your inner world.

A new Soul School is released each Wednesday.

This is a really personal Soul School and maybe the hardest one I’ve done yet.

SCROLL DOWN TO FIND THE AUDIO PLAYER

Here’s why I did it…
It’s easier sometimes to act like very dark thoughts happen to other people. Growing up, Jesus and the hope of heaven was suppose to cure me of any hopelessness, fear, despair, and existential angst. It was seldom that simple. My life often felt sad, tumultuous, and complicated. There seem to be people that experience Jesus (or the idea of Jesus) like a “happy pill”…sometimes this was true for me. But, often, it wasn’t. I felt like the Bible character Job, a lot.

Some might accuse me of having too little faith. But, if you have all the answers, you don’t need faith at all. Certainty is faith-killing. I rely on faith, because I’m on a journey into the unknown. A journey of discovery. And, I need to be brave, especially now. Maybe you do too.

Unforeseen suffering or brain chemistry (or both) slings some of us onto another path and the easy answers and promises fall short sometimes. So, if that’s been your situation, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Don’t feel ashamed. Let’s do this together.

[ictt-tweet-inline]Feeling alone is what gets us into the worst sort of trouble. It can bring us to both a figurative and literal dead end.[/ictt-tweet-inline]

(To tweet that quote, click the blue bird.)

Today, on Soul School, I expose the shame and silence about dark moods and the rather common thoughts of suicide and despair some of us face. I want you to hear my story so that you can share your story and together we will all be better for it.

Please, seek the help you need, despite what those around you know or don’t know about your feelings and situation; and despite what they think you should do about it.

The U.S. national hotline to speak to someone, right now, is 1-800-273-TALK. (1-800-273-8255) or go to SUICIDE.ORG

Speak to someone: someone you know is wise, if you have a loving family member seek that one out, a trusted friend, a supportive spiritual guide from your religious tradition, or someone trained to help. There are so many who are willing and able to help you.

Just being open about it takes the teeth out of it and gets you out of the shadows and to where you can be seen, heard, and loved.

Your cries for help will not go unnoticed if you reach out until you find connection. Your story isn’t over yet.

• If you have pervasive (rather than passing) thoughts of suicide or a detailed plan to end your life, I ask you to seek professional medical attention immediately.

• Please stay. Tell me your story-let’s both stay.


Because today’s information could save lives, please pass it along as you are able.


AUDIO PLAYER:


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SHOW NOTES:

Below are the books mentioned in the program today:

 

Victor Frankl


Jennifer Michael Hecht

 


To hear the conversation with Jennifer Michael Hecht on suicide and her powerful book STAY, click below:


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Please enjoy some of the other recent episodes!


Pick a subscription option so you can hear my next guest –Charlie Porter from the Fable Podcast.

Eps 59: Desire and Rhythm of Life – Return Guest Shane Tucker


On Sunday April 24 Spark My Muse will be 1 year old!
HOORAY!
Thank you to everyone who has helped by listening, with encouragement, and with gifts to keep the Spark My Muse show going.bestcake

To celebrate there will be some very interesting things happening in the….
#weekofSPARKle —stay tuned!

Want to send a small birthday gift?
Click to give, the baby Spark a present.


 Today, I have a return guest!
My soul friend, Shane Tucker.
He has a new book and you can get it free.
Today we converse about it and Irish culture
–two fire-makers are sparking things…what’s not to love?

Scroll down for essential links and show notes.

Shane-@-Ross-2012-M


SHOW NOTES

MIN 1

Shane is an Anglican Priest and Soul Friend – a fire-maker of souls – sparking fire for souls!

“Being a best friend you’ve always wanted.”

• Link to my 1st episode with Shane (if you haven’t heard it yet)

Rhythm of Life book link

Intersection of Arts, Faith and Culture

MIN 5

Dreamers of the Day

MIN 6:30

Classic Principles (walk with me)

Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience

MIN 9:30

Distinctive Practices (work with me)

Two Distinct calls of Jesus:

Walk with me & Work with me

MIN 12:00

Photography in the book

and introspective questions within the book

Stirring desire which is fuel for the journey.

The good, the true, and the beautiful

MIN 15:30

Selfish or corrupted life practices

Dallas Willard

VIM

• Vision

• Intention

• Means (resources and tools -practices and disciplines/space makers for God to rush in)

The process of transformation.

MIN 19

Abundant life and freedom

MIN 20

Offering what little we have up to God and into the world.

MIN 22

Dream Out Loud (book)

…is about the 2nd call on our lives building for the Kingdom of God.

Ode by Arthur O’Shaughnessy

Ode

We are the music makers,

And we are the dreamer of dreams,

Wandering by lone sea-breakers,

And sitting by desolate streams;

World-losers and world-forsakers,

 

On whom the pale moon gleams:

Yet we are the movers and shakers

Of the world for ever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties,

We build up the world’s great cities,

 

And out of a fabulous story

We fashion an empire’s glory:

One man with a dream, at pleasure,

Shall go forth and conquer a crown;

And three with a new song’s measure

Can trample an empire down.

 

We, in the ages lying

In the buried past of earth,

Built Nineveh with our sighing,

And Babel itself with our mirth;

And o’erthrew them with prophesying

To the old of the new world’s worth;

For each age is a dream that is dying,

Or one that is coming to birth.

 

A breath of our inspiration

Is the life of each generation;

A wondrous thing of our dreaming

Unearthly, impossible seeming —

The soldier, the king, and the peasant

Are working together in one,

Till our dream shall become their present,

And their work in the world be done.

 

They had no vision amazing

Of the goodly house they are raising;

They had no divine foreshowing

Of the land to which they are going:

But on one man’s soul it hath broken,

A light that doth not depart;

And his look, or a word he hath spoken,

 

Wrought flame in another man’s heart.

And therefore to-day is thrilling

With a past day’s late fulfilling;

And the multitudes are enlisted

In the faith that their fathers resisted,

 

And, scorning the dream of to-morrow,

Are bringing to pass, as they may,

In the world, for its joy or its sorrow,

The dream that was scorned yesterday.

But we, with our dreaming and singing,

Ceaseless and sorrowless we!

The glory about us clinging

 

Of the glorious futures we see,

Our souls with high music ringing:

O men! it must ever be

That we dwell, in our dreaming and singing,

A little apart from ye.

For we are afar with the dawning

 

And the suns that are not yet high,

And out of the infinite morning

Intrepid you hear us cry —

How, spite of your human scorning,

Once more God’s future draws nigh,

And already goes forth the warning

That ye of the past must die.

 

Great hail! we cry to the comers

From the dazzling unknown shore;

Bring us hither your sun and your summers;

And renew our world as of yore;

You shall teach us your song’s new numbers,

And things that we dreamed not before:

Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,

And a singer who sings no more.

 

A wondrous thing of our dreaming,

Unearthly, impossible seeming-

The soldier, the king, and the peasant

Are working together in one,

Till our dream shall become their present,

And their work in the world be done.

 

And therefore today is thrilling,

With a past day’s late fulfilling.

And the multitudes are enlisted

In the faith that their fathers resisted,

And, scorning the dream of tomorrow,

Are bringing to pass, as they may,

In the world, for it’s joy or it’s sorrow,

The dream that was scorned yesterday.

 

For we are afar with the dawning

And the suns that are not yet high,

And out of the infinite morning

Intrepid you hear us cry-

How, spite of your human scorning,

Once more God’s future draws nigh,

And already goes forth the warning

That ye of the past must die.

 

Great hail! we cry to the corners

From the dazzling unknown shore;

Bring us hither your sun and your summers,

And renew our world as of yore;

You shall teach us your song’s new numbers,

And things that we dreamt not before;

Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,

And a singer who sings no more.

 

MIN 25:30

The book title’s connection to the band U2

Streets Have No Name

Always

MIN 27

Hope in Irish culture and in the music. The folk music expresses sadness and joy together.

MIN 29:30

JRR TOLKEIN

eucatastrophe 

“ a good undoing”

a joy that brings tears–a sudden glimpse of truth.

MIN 32

The Trips Shane Guides to Ireland

Featuring ancients stories, heroes, and revered saints, landmarks, pubs, and historic features.

Find Shane on Twitter:

@dreamingbig

His website: artistsoulfriend.com

Special End-of-Summer News and Updates Episode

Here’s a picture of me “at the office” as I write this post. I love creating episodes and posts for you, and it’s especially nice to do it outdoors…but I’m going to need a hoodie…more on that later.

hammock offic

 

This short Sunday episode contains news and info.

I’m debuting my new microphone for you to hear. Tell me if you can hear the difference!


A few Episodes are already in the queue, but after those air, you will hear a much richer and higher quality sound demonstrated in this short episode! Many thanks for your kind response to my need for financial support. I still need to buy more monthly space at the audio hosting site, but it is a landmark accomplishment to upgrade my mic and I had to share my joy, gratitude, (and the new and improved sound) with you!

 

newmic

 

In September, I will launch a Slack Community just for us!

Slack allows you to connect and collaborate much like Facebook but without all the ads and baloney.

At the Spark for Creatives community, we will be able to share, talk about the podcast topic of the week, connect, collaborate, communication, trade notes, and encourage each other in our communication and creative endeavors.

If you’re calling involves creating or communicating, welcome to your tribe!

(If you feel like reading political, religious, or societal rants, seeing posts from only about 12 people, being inundating with horrible news stories, seeing animated GIFs, playing Pet Saga, or looking at adverts from the places you just visited online, you will still have Facebook to turn to.)

• You must be subscribed to my email update list to get the application to join.

• You can join this community for free if you start as a charter member. In the future there will be a few special access areas, education options, and premium groups options that will be paid add-ons or features, too.

 

Subscribe to the mailing list for the chance to apply (and you also get the latest audio episode links delivered to you, 2-3 times per month.)

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It’s getting chilly. Time for a cozy hoodie (ends SEPT 7th! These are on sale to finance the show and ordering ends soon: SEPTEMBER 14th.

Click to see all the color and style options, including t-shirts if you like to layer! I hope you stay all snuggly warm as you listen to the shows I’m making for you!

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ESP 23 The hidden “family rules” that have shaped you (and still impact your life)

familyfightDid this ever happen to you? You think the way your family (of origin) does something is normal, and then, suddenly, you find out it isn’t?

Usually, this happens when you form close relationships outside your family of origin. Fireworks can ensue!

How your family dealt with conflicts, problems, shame, secrets, and tragedies shaped you and learning relational and loyalty dynamics from the previous generations in your family can bring relational repair, health, and hope.

 

That’s what today’s show is about. I’m glad you can listen, today.

 

Today’s guest is graduate school professor and marriage and family therapist in private clinical practice, Janet Stauffer, Ph.D.

Stauffer-J-038-e1422044242927

JANET’S BIO:

Dean of Students, Evangelical Seminary

Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy

In addition to her work at the seminary and her clinical practice, Janet is vice president of the Board of Directors at Philhaven Behavioral Healthcare facility. She has led retreats, presented at professional conferences, and published articles in a number of journals. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and approved supervisor and clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. She also holds membership in the Christian Association for Psychological Studies. Her research interests include genuine meeting through dialogical engagement, loyalty dynamics between and across the generations of the family, and the intersection of faith and therapy.


 

SHOWNOTES:

MIN

1:40

Each person is born with an inherent longing to connect.

2:40

Early childhood experiences shape who we are and how we relate to others.

Our ancestors deliver ways of being to us across generations:

4:00

What can be done if the early years weren’t filled with dysfunction and problems?

5:00

How relationship can alter the wiring and re-patterning of the brain.

5:30

Jim Coen, UVA – The Hand holding experiment.

7:00

In close relationships, we end up feeling–not only are you here with me–but somehow you are me. Somehow we are here together.

8:20

Before we can help others, we have to be open to ourselves and our own healing. Our wounds can remain as vulnerabilities and our greatest resource.

11:00

“I because who I am through my relationships with other people, so that more of me gets called forth as I respond to others in my world around me.”

 

The still face experiment:

12:15

“Foo-Poo” (FOO = Family of Origin) influences our current relationships.

12:45

The interconnectedness and “loyalty dynamics” between and across the generations and how during all our interactions we are holding something that has been passed down across generations and in the larger cultural dynamics.

14:00

Example from life (Janet, her husband and the Ford Fiesta). Naming the truth in our interactions and being curious about what we hold from generations before us.

16:00

Janet explored what anger was like for her mother and grandmother and discovered not just a family secret and the shame that was carried on, but also a a family norm relating to how pain is dealt with.

18:00

Family secrets and ways of interacting waiting like land mines that can sabotage our other relationships.

20:00

We can also end up carrying or holding visibly or invisibly things that our spouse (or other close relationships) hold as well.

21:30

There are options for growth and healing if we can be open, aware, curious and can find courage to turn and face [the other] and remember where our weakness are and admit them.

22:30

The power of naming what is happening for us emotionally.

23:00

“Honoring my personal truth, personal awareness, my being, and made a claim for myself has a profound impact in my own knowing.”

24:00

“Every one of us experiences terror at the thought of finding the courage to turn and face the other in a painful situation at some point in our life.”

25:30

A defend or fight mode should be superseded by the prevailing message “You and I are on the team team ultimately. We have a reason to connect and I long for you. But it’s been hard between and here’s something of how it’s been for me… and I want to know what it’s like for you.”

26:20

Yet, we cannot think what we say will always help because we cannot guarantee the other person’s response. So there is vulnerability in saying the truth.

26:50

Being calm, curious and compassionate even in the face of wounds and vulnerability.

27:30

Emotionally self-regulating and contending with emotional triggers.

30:00

(In marriage or close relationships) Learning self and other in a whole new way…in a kind of sacred space to grow through the most tender places that we hold.

31:00

Telling the other what would help in what feels like an unsafe place emotionally.

31:20

Learning to soothe one another.

32:00

On core lies we can believe about ourselves.

33:00

Honoring when emotional safety is just as important as physical safety.

34:00

What to do when it’s not safe to have important conversations.

36:00

Martin Buber-We live with an armor around us and bands around our heart and being closed off and unaware and unaddressed.

37:30

Asking questions of ourselves to create more awareness and realizing our thoughts and memories are not us.

38:30

We limit our imagination about the capacity each of us holds to respond the other, the world around us and ourself.

39:00

We can test our assumptions and plant seeds that bring new possibilities for ourself and others.

40:20

When we can’t yet name or isolate our feelings.

41:00

Giving permission and a soft demand to know what is going on with someone else and helping them find their voice.

42:30

The biblical tradition of the garden where God says “Where art thou?” a story about hiding. God’s longing for humankind.

44:00

King David in the psalms is modeling openness and receptivity…asking “What is in my heart?” “Who am I?” “What do I hold?”

46:00

Being open and still safe. Giving yourself warm, regard, and leaving the self-judgment out.

“Judgment limits the knowing.”

47:00

Being present to and growing in recognition of “here’s what I hold” or “here’s what freezes me” etc and asking “how can I be more free?” and then exploring new pathways and practices that go somewhere.

50:10

On the spiritual practices and things can people do to move forward.

51:00

These ways of understanding what it is to connect, grow and be human are universal and offer hope to those with varied religious tradition and no religious affiliation too.

53:00

The spiritual and the Other when it is not defined as “God”.

54:20

“God doesn’t limit God’s self to the church or the synagogue or the mosque and we can never fully describe God because God cannot be contained and is always more than what I can fathom or grasp”

55:00

Asking, “How do I understand the call before me and how do I invite others and find the place where they are experiencing call and longing and where is this work happening within them. What is being invited forth?”

56:10

How we can pass down the best of our generational dynamics and loyalties to our children.

57:20

On the invisible family rule of perfectionism and how it made Janet think she could be the perfect parent and how that idea was shattered.

58:30

How she approached her son after that point to understand what he was experiencing and being surprised by his reply.

59:00

We can never get it all right, but we can be willing to go to our child and ask them about their experience.

60:00

Inviting others to know themselves in whatever capacity to do that they can and hold what they say with care and honor.

61:00

Enacting moments and accumulating themes and transactions and happenings and asking “Is their a burden they carry or an injury of disregard or diminishment that was not theirs to carry?” which deserve address and caring and honor.

62:00

On having a commit to “I will be there for you, and I will be here for me, and I invite you to be here for me,” is a profound act that helps us for the long run.

64:00

Despite our efforts, outcomes are not guaranteed and each person has an opportunity to respond uniquely.

RESOURCES for further discovery:


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