Path to Porn..for women (part 1)

(click image for photo source)

Confession: I recently viewed porn. It’s not the first time.

And so have you.

Porn: noun
1 pornography.
2 television programs, books, etc., regarded as catering to a voyeuristic or obsessive interest in a specified subject.

In this case, it was clips from a primetime television show on NBC, not graphic and explicit sexual content. But, porn has much to do with lacking purity, and self-discipline. I wasn’t interested in either at the time. It doesn’t matter how graphic it was or wasn’t, I picked a path.

I know it’s a common path, so I’m starting a post series on porn, to get the topic out in the open. You’ve seen porn. Of course you have. That’s just simple statistics. The only thing in question is for how long, or how often…but far more importantly, why are you, and are you hiding it, and do you feel stuck or trapped? Well, the gig is up.

7 Reasons this porn stuff is a typical situation:
• Television
/especially cable/dish/satillite

• Smart phones/phone with internet access or image viewing capabilities

• Internet…duh. It’s got to be reason # 1. (plenitude of images & privacy to do as one pleases=lack of discipline.)

• Over-Sexualized culture/media, especially in advertising

• Plentiful supply normalizes or excuses inappropriate or damaging behavior/habits.

• Video games/books/products

• Cultural Idolization of beauty, youth, virility, and social acceptance.

We’ll get into the heart of the issue, behaviorally, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and find some ways to detour this path that will damage us and our relationships. We’ll help each other out, okay?

I will speak from my purview, as a women. We live in a time that is highly visual, tied to fantasy, that supplies huge amounts of voyeuristic material. It’s not something mostly “men do” (look at or participate in). Women do too.

However, I challenge you men reading to cover this topic in the next two weeks in a post or post series, or at least link to this post to support bringing this topic to light.

And ladies reading today, I challenge you to take on this topic, too, not as something that you wish guys wouldn’t do, etc., but as something that somehow effects your life somehow personally, and convicts you to somehow find a better way.

Often “Literature” and Story/Fantasy are like gateway drugs to this type of porn for women…I wrote a bit about this sort of thing in a past article, 5 Reasons I Don’t Read (Christian) Chick Books. 

Confess what trips you up.

Coming up in the next post…thoughts, feelings, and reasons you and I try the Path to Porn.

In later posts, we’ll work together to discover some resources to help and guide us: detours from the path. 

But, here’s the question for today: What particular vehicle makes porn all too accessible for you or someone in your life? Anonymous comments are always welcomed.

On Being Embarrassed When Worship Songs Seem Sexual

[CAUTION: This post is satirical. Calm down.]

Over-sexualized.

Worship songs? No. Everything.

I’ve been both a victim and a participant in the American cultural norm…Scope out opportunities to rejoin comments with, “That’s what she said.”

(To be sure, the phrase was around long before the TV show “The Office”, but a certain Michael Scott character seemed to usher the phrase into a broad and sweeping cultural vernacular. Am I right?)

So now, it seems thousands of words and phrases are hijacked, and church gatherings are not immune to it either. Or, maybe it’s just me. It can be hilarious, dreadful, or just plain embarrassing. Recently, a few worship songs have sort of had their way with me on this, so to speak.

“Bride of Christ” by Marion Coltman (I thought it was entitled: “Jesus, keep your hands where we can see ’em”) …and it’s all just a bit too much for me.

I didn’t want to think it at the time, but the Casting Crowns song “Your Love is Extravagant” sounded just a little too much like a “friends with benefits” song. Golly, all you have to do is take the “t” off Christ, and you have a fine mess (in my head):

Your Love is Extravagant

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Don’t get me wrong, Casting Crowns does so many great worship songs I really enjoy. This may be one your favorites, which is fine. I hope it creates a worshipful experience for you, and for everyone, but I get derailed.

Basically, if a worship song talks about touching, my mind wanders. Such as Kari Jobe song:

I wanna sit at your feet.

Drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breathe, here your heart beat

This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming.

 

The fact is love is risky. God is risky…Obviously risky and risqué has sort of been a fine line in songwriting. But, to be honest, I realize that love can often feel awkward as it gets emotionally deeper. When it starts to change and effect us–and affect us. The awkwardness is part of the path to greater spiritual maturity. (In this case, I’ll let you know for sure when I get there.)

Admittedly, the psalms that King David wrote got quite amatory, and for some it feels embarrassing. I can handle David getting up close and personal with God. I’m fine with Song of Solomon’s sexy talk, and David’s passionate poem songs, but maybe in singing those things corporately, we confront those issues of intimacy differently than we do in our times of personal devotions, songs, or prayers. What do you think about it?

I think the challenge, for me, is a renewing of my mind a bit more, and praying for better ears to hear. Thank you for your patience with me, Lord.

Lastly, for all you songwriters out there, if you’re writing something sweet to sing for Jesus, please–for me–don’t put the words “intimate,” “secret place,” and “rhythm” too close together. (It can be a “worship hijack” for some of us, okay, for me.)

When was the last time you felt embarrassed/awkward at the worst time?

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Self-deprecation: A Christian Specialty

Leslie Bibb, the actress from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, and Iron Man and Iron Man 2, is set to star in a proposed pilot called Good Christian Witches (okay, no, you have to switch the “w” with a “b”.) Lots of scuttlebutt is starting over the name, of course. And the theme is greatly disturbing some folks…and well even, you guessed it, Christians.  (Full article here)

Here’s the article excerpt that stands out the most to me: “ABC’s core viewership is Christian, so the goal of the show won’t be to attack Christianity. Just like the book [of the same name], this is a show by Christians, for (mostly) Christians, to enjoy a little prime-time self-deprecation,” Los Angeles-based entertainment expert, Jenn Hoffman said.

UM. What? Really? Isn’t this played out yet? What other religious group gets picked on more? What group creates and absorbs more deprecation than Christianity? Matthew Paul Turner, of Jesus Needs New PR, the Christian Nightmares guy, Jon Acuff–God bless him–have all made their fame and/or fortune from this sort of thing–for years now. Plus there are plenty more.

Help me think of others… OH! Stuff Fundies Like is another..hum… what else? I visit all these sites regularly, and really enjoy them.

Is this Hilarious Self-deprecation Tack [HSDT] something we need more of from Hollywood, prime time television, or anybody else? Will people never tire of HSDT? It could just be me, but I’m having some self-deprecation fatigue. We’ve self-deprecated the hell out of ourselves already. It’s a rather cheap commodity now. Maybe it’s time to let off the throttle a little, and find a greater calling, a bit? You know like old fashion devoted hearts and lives? … helping the Kingdom of God break into our world through the outpouring of goodness and love? I’m not saying stamp it out; just mix it up some.

Non Christians will always make fun of Christianity. We need not ever worry we will lack in this department. I think, we can point out issues using humor and loving kindness to improve ourselves. It seem, though, that nothing can be cherished thoroughly, culturally speaking. Anything and everything is up for a tar and feathering…ad nausea , and unchecked, it creates a terminal dysfunction of cynicism.

So-Yes! We truly are imperfect people. YES. Message received.

AND hey, please remember! I don’t mind ironic, or pseudo-ironic tales of Christianity run amuck for entertainment or thoughtful repose. I rather enjoy it. I laugh at sacred cows. Hahaha!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I even laugh at the people laughing at sacred cows, who subtly become sacrosanct and bovine in nature themselves. There, I said it. Now, prove my point and call me a “Jesus Juker”. Do. it.

His Lambs?

I transcend the Jesus Juke, dude. I don’t think Christians, or any group should take themselves all that seriously. And I can’t understand getting sidetracked for silly things. Literally silly things, (like you see above). I love that stuff.

But, now could be time we get frank…
Doesn’t this seem like this sort of HSDT speciality is hoisted onto Christians and spared from other groups? Would there ever be a show called “Good Muslim Witches”? or “Bad Ass Buddha Good Girls”?  No way. That would be nasty, and in very poor taste, and no one would stand for it…unless it was the Jewish people…

Right. But, this probably supports my point, rather than takes away from it.

Have we self-deprecated the devil out of ourselves? Do we need to get our equilibrium back some?

Tell me what you think:
Jesus, would want you to…Maybe one of the two Jesus’ you see below.

(thanks for reading)

"I feel you bro. Right in my sacred heart."
Jesus has my hose

7 Things You Might Believe during the Playoffs

SO, it’s the the season of the NFL Playoffs. I’ve noticed myself bending toward some folksy theology. Maybe you’ve noticed this for yourself. Or…just let me remind you. :)

Bring on the comments, friends! Can you think of any items I missed?

1. Caffeine is somehow linked to the Holy Spirit.

2. People who use the words “Demon Alcohol” don’t use the words “Demon Lactose”, but really, which one seems more demonic on a regular basis?

3. Gluttony of anything [but food] seems sinful, but eating until it almost hurts is a worthy epicurean goal, and probably some sort of “listening to God thing” or even a gifting of the Spirit.

4. Lack of a TV makes you more spiritual, but the possession of an iPhone helps you help God.

5. Twinkle lights in December and January help show the Light of God’s Love, but by March they are tacky, and used by Satan to distract people from the blessing of Spring and rebirth.

6. The ability to host a kickin’ NFL Playoff party with great food is called “the Gift of Hospitality” and it makes God proud when when use our gifts. [I’ll be over @ 4p.m.]

7. Routing for teams like the Cowboys, the Eagles, the Browns, the Lions, (and so on) develops the Fruit of the Spirit we call Patience. So, it’s a good thing, but like many spiritual lessons, it is learned through pain and struggle. Watching such teams fail each year helps those fans grow spiritually…more than Patriot or Steeler fans, let’s say.

So…That’s 7 nutty beliefs that can happen in January. Have you noticed anything weird lately? If so, please share.

(Change the channel or take a walk?) "The Show About Me" (part 2)


One of the most common responses people have when they get fed up with the re-runs of living their own small show is that they try to flip to a different channel. That is, they somehow realize a kind of radical change in life is necessary, so they try to re-make themselves.

Perhaps they start a new relationship, change careers, adopt a baby, buy a vehicle or expensive toy, go back to school, get plastic surgery, switch churches, move away, or in some way try to live out a better story. You’ve probably tried it, I know I have.

Maybe a person gets into religion, or he gets away from it. Maybe they start to need anti-depressants or anti-anxeity medication. Some abuse substances or live more dangerously. Something just seems wrong–and one tries to fix it.

Plenty of the time, these efforts do bring some distraction and change, and therefore a certain kind of freedom or renewal is felt (at least for a bit); but down deep, nothing important has changed at all. After a little while, the person still feels frustrated or undone. (Or something else unpleasant.) The channel may have changed, but what is lived out is just a Spin-off of “The Show About Me”. Sadly, very few fully realize that their perceptive, and how they live out reality, is fairly the same even after a massive change. The same troubles will assail them, in some way. However, the baggage gets heavier.

Our Creator is the true center of the Show (not us). The Supreme Being is irresistibly calling out, wooing us, and our thirst deepens.

It’s a fact that when a person is too dehydrated they may actually stop craving what they truly need-water/hydration and replenishment of nutrients. They may feel tired, ill, hungry, or numb, instead of thirsty. In an ironic twist, the person doesn’t desire what will make them healthy again. It’s a perilous situation. Without help, people die this way.

This kind of confusion happens spiritually too. Often, in fact. A common (household) term often used for what turns out to be a spiritual problem like this is most often called a “midlife crisis” or sometimes an “identity crisis.” It’s common for people to get a point where they need to “find themselves,” or re-define themselves, sometimes multiple times throughout one’s life. This “want to” to change is healthy, though many times misread. An identity shift like this may happen once or several times in one’s life where a person tries hard to better one’s circumstances, and find relief.

If you haven’t enter a stage like this yourself, I’m sure you can think of someone who has. For instance, in the last 18 months seven marriages at our church have spun out of control or failed. I believe a misunderstanding of this spiritual opportunity is a big reason why.

What must happen to be truly free, and on a full path to growth? Something more like a walk has to happen rather than a small show we create. A walk with God and changing one’s perspective to surrender to God and “his” Big Show (the authentic one “Reality”) is a path few take, or attempt for all that long. It just isn’t a simple or smooth road. It is a mysterious, sometimes troubling one, where the answers are rarely simple or pat. This is the path of faith (believing in what you can’t see, but still know is quite real). Sometimes changing the channel, multiple times, seems like the only sensible thing to do. The negative part is that we only get more of the same when we do that. It’s still our story we want to control, and our story stays small and frustrating.

As many who have done the enormous personal work to recover from drugs or alcohol can attest, one usually has to hit “rock bottom,” (or be fully ready), before surrender to a new, and bigger Show occurs (a life centered in God’s Reality). It all starts by doing something very rare and counter-intuitive. It’s something we all fear: Losing control and Humbly yielding to the Higher Power, and admitting that without grace, and true dependence on God and others, a better way cannot be possible. Perhaps the scripture comes to mind, …”if you try to save your life, you’ll lose it. But if you lose your life (yourself) for my sake, you will find it…”

In contrast, we wish to be self-made.… yet, only a small show about “me” is self-made. Transformation, growth, and sturdy happiness (joy) comes instead through the bravery of surrender to the greater Reality, and taking the more treacherous but rewarding path that comes with this decision.

In part III installment on this topic, I’ll mention some things that happen once this pivotal choice is made. A person’s attitude and outlook change; and how one orders one’s life undergoes critical and unavoidable development with radical shifts in thinking, acting, and relating to others–for the better! We’re talking here about spiritual formation.

I’ll describe that a bit more, soon, in part III. Check back in the next few days and see.

This is a lot to chew on, especially if this is a new concept, and you’ve never encountered these ideas before. Some people call it “being born again”…. and in a real sense, a new life starts for the person who is ready: A whole new life begins.

…to be continued…

Reflections questions:

Have I been living my own small story?

Have I longed for a richer life, but have really only being encountering re-runs or spin offs of a short-changed Show?

What is stopping me from walking a new life?

What are your responses, insights, or thoughts on this topic?