Are you using a GPS? (advice to communicators and startups)

We tend to think that we operate out of our values as if it’s like a default setting on a washing machine.

 

The truth is, at best, we are consistent at that stuff only sometimes. Not because we are horrid cads, but because we get busy.

If you are a person of faith or want to live from a set of important values, you can’t take this modus operandi for granted.

You have to do some groundwork. (I’ll get to specifics in a moment.)

First, the short story of Jackie will help us out.

taxes

Jackie is tax consultant. She had worked for a national brand firm in town and was striking it out on her own–almost by accident and not all at once.

It started when she kept noticing that some of her friends and family members didn’t know what they were doing. In a panic, usually at the end of March, they started asking her for help. Most of them didn’t know enough to get the best refund, and she heated the idea of that.

She picked up some side work, and within two tax seasons she had herself completely booked at tax time. About 20% of those clients needed accounting help throughout the year for their small business. She also found a few non profits clients too. She really needed help by the third year and had left her other job by then.

Like you would expect, she hired help and plunged into her work.

I didn’t put too much weight into the particulars of hiring. I was so busy with the details of getting the work done. So, the most important thing got steamrolled by the urgency of my work.

Things started going badly.

Out of the 3 part-time workers, only one of them actually had the same values as she did. She realized this too late and it created friction and a tense working environment. One person left and started bad-mouthing her in her small town. The other position seemed like a revolving door of employee turnover. She almost quit the whole thing. It was keeping her up a lot at night.

Jackie didn’t have Human Resources Training or organizational management training. She just had a bunch of work and she was good at those skills. She needed to clone herself.

It didn’t come to that, of course.

Fortunately, a mentor gave her some great advice. She said,

Back up a bit. Sit down and put your most important values and business aims down with ink on paper. It’ll work like a compass or GSP. It will help with both the route and destination.

It worked. Her commitment statements guided all her business decisions after that. Hiring, training, working with clients, getting new clients, and getting her little company running smoothly needed that solid foundation.

It’s a great lesson. If you aren’t using a GPS you’re going to get lost.

Before you take on side work. Before you hire someone. And most importantly, before you get busy, do the ground work so that your priorities and core guiding principles are something that flow out and throughout all your interactions, not get tacked on afterword.

If you value honesty, joy, compassion, and persistence, for instance, make them the anchor for all the skills you execute and all the projects you take on.

Have you initiated your GPS? Do you have your guiding principles on paper and operate from them?

I hope that was helpful.
Do you know someone who might need this advice?

Please share!

Judo Chop Your Inner ZOMBIE: 3 Ways


zomtxt

So, first you have to decide if you’re busy or numb.

The last post talked about that. It’s the necessary reading for this post. (Plus, there’s a hilarious Judo Chop knockout 26 second video you should see.)

Maybe you’re some of both. Read on!

Judo Chopping your inner Zombie = Judo Chopping FEAR

If you’re stuck and assuming some Zombie qualities here  are 3 Ways to deal a Judo Chop blow to what’s holding you back! (btw this is the best and funniest example of how an actual Judo Chop works to knock someone out cold. It surprised me!)

1. Move from self-soothing to solutions

Example:

You want another job but as you troll around to find one at a big employment website…you find it’s complicated and tedious. All those stupid forms to fill out again and again! CURSES! You get bogged down. In a bit, you get distracted or you burnout in frustration. Time to check FACEBOOK, Intagram, or Pintrest. . . buzz—-you’re a zombie! (Can’t relate? Just think of anything else that takes a while and how you tend to get bogged down.)

Solution: Change the whole dynamic. Jump to the end.

Use a computer at a library that has a time limit. (Time limits are the death of passivity.) Make a few phone calls that close the gap between you and someone else, and see what’s available with the contacts you already have in real life. Jumping to the end usually involves direct connects. Don’t avoid it.

Find a way to jump over the lag and drag. Reach out for help. For real. JUDO CHOP the Zombie!

2. Look Harder. 

Example: 

You’re bouncing around on Facebook or otherwise dawdling. You feel frustrated, stuck, or disconnected and ineffectual. You see a neighbor in their yard and think something mean or critical about them. BUZZ–Zombie alert! (It’s you!)

Solution: Look harder at what’s bothering you. 

When we start turning on people we are going numb, because we’re trying to anesthetize our own pain by throwing it outward. Start noticing the red flags. You’re numbing out, my friend. Get real about your pain. Take a few (literal) notes. (we’ve all heard the phrase that ‘s turned into a cliché, “Admitting it is the first step.” This is your big chance. But lots of chances will surface. Assess what you are really feeling.)

After that, refer to Step 1. Judo Chop the Zombie!

3. Put in a Gate

gategarden

Example:

You’re at a stop sign and you’re thinking, “Can I make a text from here, or will it take too long?”

or Someone asks you to help on a project and you’d rather sleep, avoid them (in the first place), or find an exit.

Solution: Get your GATE on

The truth is we need boundaries. Using electric fences with barbed wire as some of us are prone to do only disconnects us and keeps us numb.

“Good fences make good neighbors” goes the adage. That doesn’t mean, build a fence to keep everyone out. It means you have neighbors and you need neighbors (some people call this community), but defined boundaries make it better for everyone.

If you have a white picket fence instead of one a federal penitentiary uses, people can see you and you can see them. Busting through in an emergent is possible or you can jump it to reach out. Picket style fences mark off where your sanctuary is and the gate you “install” determines the entry point.

It’s a balance: Don’t use high iron bars like a jailbird, but don’t expect that a boarder row of pansies will get the point across either. If you’re inundated you need a better fence, but to JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie always include a gate.

Boundaries Explained
We need to allocate time for ourselves and what’s really important. This turns out to be people and not things. Things keep us numb. People give us the connection and belonging we are craving. But it’s painful and tricky stuff to be sure. Don’t feel guilt about making boundaries: Our fences need gateways to get let certain things in at certain times.

Want a SECRET WEAPON?

Don’t JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie alone. Grab another Zombie and go for it. Jump the pen of isolation. (more on that in the next post!)

Ending numbness happens in groups. Yes, so do Zombie attacks, but in the end of a Zombie attack there are less brains to go around. So, partner, ally forces, pick someone and make efforts to be a better friend.

Don’t miss that next post! (add this blog to your RSS feed, your bookmark list, or sign up to get instant access when a post goes live. Click in the sidebar to get started.)

 (gate:photo source)

(zombie: photo source)

 

Are you a ZOMBIE? 3 Ways to Know if you’re truly stuck and NUMBING-OUT

texting

As a kid I would see adults numb out. (I didn’t know it was that at the time.) They’d get obsessed with hobbies, drink too much, channel surf late into the night, veg-out with a bag of potato chips, flitter about with shopping, or keep their nose in a book. Smart phones hadn’t been invented but going numb abounded!

I sensed I wasn’t like them because I was always moving on to the next adventure. I was sort of powerless as a kid, but I wasn’t stuck. It wasn’t just their actions, it was their faces gave away that something had shut off.

I get it now.

I get that we grow to numb out because it’s a way to reduce anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t lessen with age. In fact, more disappointments have piled up and more is at stake after a few decades of life. Disappointment, pain, fear, and frustration all drive us to numb out. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t do it in some variety.

The difference is that some people can block and judo chop numbness and start moving again, and others get stuck in a pattern they go back to it–like food, or stay stuck in it–like a bed. That makes you fat and sleepy. Undead. A Zombie.

 

I have to fight off a tendency to go numb and zombie out, too. Life is painful, I get it. But, I’ve realized it’s worth the fight. (It’s an actual life or death struggle.)

Blasting numbness takes skills.

But how can you tell if you’re numb or just in a slump?
Here are 3 Ways:

 

1. You just can’t “get to it” 

Whether it’s that you’re -super busy-, or that you feel the conditions are never quite right to get started, there is a special sort of “stuckness” that signals Numb territory. You meant to. You want to. You should. But, there’s lag and drag.

2. You’re distracted by design

You try to stay busy or occupied (whether you realize it or not). Maybe you check your emails a lot, or play apps or video games, surf the net for reading material or naked people, or scrapbook like mad. Maybe you text a lot, or you have to “get your run on” (frantic exercise), maybe you troll blogs, or do Facebook on your Smart Phone when you find a gap in your day. You want a break! It makes sense.

Or maybe, it’s more subtle. Maybe the kids have crazy schedules of activities you must attend to. Whatever it is, you have to admit that you’re trying to appease to your restlessness. You’re trying to stay moving but really you’re going nowhere. In the end, you only want more “soothing” or movement because you’re still in the same place.

3. You’re less connected

Have you really opened up to a friend lately, face-to-face? Can people get close to you or really know you? Have you avoided getting close to other people because they seem like a pain in the butt? This is because there is something painful about it. You want to avoid that stuff and you want to stay numbed out. People are a great source of anxiety for all kinds of reasons, but disconnection means you’ll stay numb. It’s time to be fearless.

What’s really so bad about going numb or staying numb?

Tons, but I’ll limit it to 3.

• You. Stay. Stuck. (Hardly anything is more frustrating. It’s like a jail. But, you made this jail. It’s time to get out.)

• You stop growing as a person. (Remember the cranky neighbor or the jerk boss? That is or will be you! Don’t be that guy. Remember, the mean librarian or pissed off gym teacher. Don’t let it come to that.)

Deadness. Zombies look cool in the movies, but…hello…they. are. dead. (and they eat the brains of living people. gross. Wow. How true is that, anyway?)

If you are numb, you are deadened. You can’t feel the good stuff either, like love, acceptance, belonging, and joy. (This stinks because it’s hardly living when you’re numb to the good stuff!) You can’t fine tune numbness. It’s a categorical deadening.

I can’t stress this enough: Don’t be a Zombie.

In the next post, I’ll share best practices for judo chopping numbness in the neck…and getting on with your best life. (Click the content link in the right sidebar to get that post zipped right to you.) 

Now you’ll like this! Check out what a good judo chop can do.

(photo source)

Remember, you are on a wheel

In wrapping up my time at the Renew & Refine Writer’s Retreat I wanted to mention the visual aid of the wheel.

wheelOur lives have a center, a hub, just like a wheel. What is at the center?

No, not what, but Who.

A “who” is the center:
God, the great I Am.

No matter where we go, we are always on that wheel. We are connected to the center even if we are on the outside and attached by just a spoke.

We never leave the wheel. It’s impossible.

It is not possible to be separated from God and his Love (here’s the Biblical reference for that). After we spend some time on various parts of the wheel and maybe we feel all the spinning, we can move to the center that moves not.

If you feel yourself getting sucked out to the end on your wheel, flung by the bumps, or dizzy from the speed…simply move to the Center. Where do you find this Center?

In the sky? no.

In the church on Sunday? not so much, but that can be nice too…sometimes.

In the Scriptures? Not, exactly, but that can point the way.

The Center is within you.
It is God’s home. You are God’s home. Go to the center of you and find God there. Go to your home.

Centering prayer is that simple too. Just pick one meaningful word. (Maybe… Jesus, Love, Grace, Hope. Peace, or whatever you’d like to bring you home.) Then pray this word, slowly, carefully, pushing to the side the rest of things, until you sense that you are growing centered with God, your Source. Be there, and carry that sense of the Spirit with you. When you need it, do it again. Come to Center again. And again.

Remember, you aren’t merely on the wheel, you are the wheel.

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The Wet Dog Diary: The Diving Dog

(Luna chewing a busy bone)
(Luna chewing a busy bone)

This is literally a Wet Dog Diary entry.

We took our chocolate Lab, Luna, to a friend’s cabin on Sunday. The cabin is situated right near a creek and Luna’s inbred water skills took over. Nature trumped.

Short background on the breed:
Labrador Retrievers are among the most popular registered breeds in the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK and came about from the St John water dog breed in the 16th century. They became the breed they are today in Newfoundland in the 18th century, and chocolate labs are a 20th century variety. Their coats are waterproof.

Luna’s excitement shifted to overdrive. She wanted to sniff everything and had an anteater quality for a bit as she trolled the grounds.

Then the water fowl got her attention. She was transfixed. She never barked, only made little communications in staccato canine mummers. Muscle taunt, ears pricked.

She was living the dream.

Luna the Diving Dog?
Soon she went up to a ledge near the creek and jumped right in without hesitation. No fear. Just joy. Instinct. Love of the whole thing.

The water was probably about 40° F so she didn’t stay in long. I’ve never seen her happier.

Something about that act of abandon pricked me and gave me a new connection to her. She was herself. She wasn’t what her previous owners said she was (a lab that strangely disliked water). She wasn’t some other kind of animal. She was in her God-given glory. That is beauty, I must tell you.

Connection
Something switched this weekend with Luna. She began looking into our eyes to see what was expected. She’s moved beyond being anxious at her new surroundings and understanding how our family (pack) operates to now being a part of it instead. It seems like the love is mutual now, for all of us, that the growing pains of learning a new family grouping have subsided. Trust in a deeper way has started.

Trust
It makes me wonder about how trust works in our own human hearts. Mutuality is vital to it. It’s the difference between emotionally “hedging your bet” and being a willing giver buoyed by the security that comes with a firmer social bond. At what point do we just forget about our hang ups and be who we are born to be? When do we dive?

What thoughts do you have on Trust today?