The Fear of Connection [SSL 249]

Host Lisa Colón DeLay discusses the human need to connect with others to become more ourselves and how can we begin.

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Hurricane FIONA recovery

I’m collecting money for practical and recovery needs in Puerto Rico.

80% of the island’s agricultural areas were damaged or destroyed by Fiona. Reliable power/electricity and clean water are still hoped for by thousands more than a month later. or venmo: @lisadelay

here is a short list of organizations I trust:

Mi Patria :

La Fondita de Jesus:

Happy Givers Community Kitchen:

Listeners like you make this work possible. Please help this program…

1. Share the program with another person today.

2. Leave a Rating/ Write a Review on iTunes for the podcast.

EPS 50: The Amazing Story of Bruce Van Horn

I’m excited to have Bruce Van Horn on the Spark My Muse podcast.

His story is inspiring and his coaching, his presence on the internet at his WEBSITE and social media where he is one of the most Retweet encouragers on Twitter, in books, and on his podcast heard in 194 countries (Life is a Marathon) he has been an encouragement to millions.

His book “Worry No More: 4 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living” is an Amazing International Best Seller.


MIN 5 Early in life Bruce got into Computers/IMB and tried to make his fortune and contentment externally.

Bruce losses it all at 27. At 42 loses it all again and feels like giving up.

MIN 10

How Bruce started to turn his life around and had his major epiphany.

How Bruce learned that the hardest part of running a marathon is the decision to run one (each day).

MIN 13

How Bruce applied his big success to all the aspects of his life.

MIN 15

How Bruce started to take responsibility for his whole life and take his thoughts captive and end negative self talk.

MIN 18

Peter Sage

“Complaints are the glue that keep you stuck to your problems.”

“Think and Grow Rich” Napoleon Hill

Express gratitude for what you have because it makes it easier to get what you want.

Making a list of things to be grateful for—which, at first, was insincere.

MIN 20 What would you miss if it was gone?

MIN 22

Making changes in life and relationships. Changing language like eliminating sarcasm.

MIN 24 Starting a life coaching relationship that led to jobs all over the world.

MIN 28

The stage four cancer that changed everything.

The surgery that went wrong and no pain medication to recover with.

MIN 34

“In this moment, if I can breathe, I have everything I need.”

Pain is not a curse. Somehow this experience is a gift. The story was a detour not an end.

MIN 36

“Worry No More” the book

Worry is like Mediation done wrong.

MIN 39

Experience is thought in this moment. We are telling ourselves a story. We can see another story. Worry is a story about what you don’t want to happen. and you can tell a different story.

MIN 40

Life is a Marathon podcast

Heard in 194 countries around the world.

EPS 26: When Childhood Suffering is Transfigured into a Thriving Life


To hear shows weekly, as usual, help me buy more hosting space. (AND I’m hoping to go to two shows per week, once financial support rolls in! YAY!)

A little $1 – $10 lovin’ from you, and each listener, will make it possible.

If you’d like to help click HERE. Thank you!

AND Thanks for supporting the project of Spark My Muse through listening, reading the show notes, reviewing the show in iTunes, and sharing it with friends, too! You are awesome.



Join in for weekly LIVE interactive discussions each Tuesday about that week’s podcast topic! VIEW UPCOMING topics and subscribe to join in HERE


Melissa Wilson didn’t just survive mistreatment as a child, she worked to heal from it, redeem it, and establish a platform to help sufferers and advocate for those who are suffering now or wounded from the past.

Melissa converses with me about how she found healing and the joy of transforming her pain into a thriving website and podcast that shares stories of victory, triumph, and overcoming great odds.

Don’t let your past define you. Here are some ways you can move forward and even find a valuable mission in life.


SHOWNOTES with links

(These are approximate times in this audio broadcast.)

MIN 1:30

The Grass Gets Greener is Melissa’s project that has and continues to redeem and heal her past.

How did she begin to sense this path of helping and advocating for others?


Getting therapy and then being able to think about helping others.


How forgiveness played a huge part in the process of getting to a point of thriving and peace.

“If someone’s hurt us we forgiven for ourselves and not for the person who caused the pain.


The aspect of the continual forgiveness process.


Every story of surviving is important.


What helped her most in the process of healing and the first barrier that stood in her way was stigma.


The crisis event that sparked clarity to get therapy to heal.


How talking it out helped her and gave her confidence, and she even spent some time traveling in Europe alone.


How she developed social anxiety problems and then came to overcome them.


Post-Traumatic Stress symptoms and high adrenaline responses.


Finding a safe place and an outside perspective to find space from the trauma and grow in self-awareness.


The impact on relationships, trust, and bonding.


Rebounding and developing good friendship and meeting her now-husband as she got well.


On deciding what to make public.


Becoming who you really are and meeting new people at that point.


We attract people who are healthier because we are healthier.


“You have to connect with people who aren’t going to try to hurt you and who are going support you.”


Creating a family of choice, the core people who will help you be most well.


Connecting unawares with people who remind you of old pain.


You are most vulnerable on the road to recovery.


Feed your mind with the right stuff that’s going to inspire and motivate you and shift your mindset and body.

Here are resources that helped Melissa.

REPLAY of the LIVE class (on Periscope)! with notes!

I was a sweaty, nervous wreck on my first periscope.

It’s comical…did anyone ever see Broadcast News (the movie)?
I needed two tissues for my sympathetic nervous system.

(Some technical difficulties threw me just before broadcast and I talked SO VERY fast.)

If you didn’t get to see it here you go!
(Twitter pulled the plug on this feature – sorry everyone)




THE #1 Myth about the SOUL…

is that we have one.

But first….we should get on the same page…


(what are we talking about?)

This is how I’m describing it:


In the Old Testament the Hebrew word for soul is nephesh. We might use it this way, “1,517 souls were lost in the Titanic disaster.”

SOUL ≠ dead BUGS BUNNY …like a floating ghost and that sort of stuff.

Not a faint rendering of bugs bunny leaving his body to play a harp on a cloud with Porky Pig. Not something that is ghosty and haunting a house or helping Demi Moore on a Pottery Wheel. (Patrick it, young people.)


Ancients thought of the mind and heart differently (the will and the emotions)…

Maybe these verses come to mind…but you’ve been thinking about them in your own context instead of the ancient context from which they were written.


Remember this one?

The heart is deceitful and wicked above all things JER 17:9

(Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life)

or Proverbs 4:23 

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

….The writers of these scriptures were not talking about emotions and feelings when they said “heart” (like we associate the heart today…they were talking about the HEART as one’s will and control center of a person…(the thing we now associate with the mind.)

For them, the emotions (the heart for us in our context) were associated, instead, with the bowels. Perhaps a bit gross..but there is some

MEDICAL TRUTH/correlation : anxiety and stress are closely associated with disease and problem that happen in the intestines…like….ulcerated colon, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (bloating, constipation, gas, and other fun things), digestion issues, food sensitivities and problems in that part of the body. These are extremely related to one’s emotions and levels of stress.

The GEM MODEL of the Soul (my version)


Think of the SOUL as a gem and the facets are ways to see the soul.

You can go as far as saying other things beyond these are facets:

family of origin, social economic situation, skin color (if that has been a defining factor in your life)

education, the country you live in,

Even Christianity is a facet. A worldview is a facet that we can gain a kind of look at who we are.

Grace is central to Christianity, for instance. We can look at our soul through the facet of grace.

When light is added to a stone you can see its flaws and imperfections and you can see its quality (color, cut, clarity, caret)

UGLY soul? Is that possible? what do you think?

In his book Care of Souls, David Benner writes, “We can define soul care as the support and restoration of the well-being of persons in their depth and totality, with particular concern for their inner life. Soul care is done in the context of community.”

The vantage point of Soul Care views struggle or failings not as fatal flaws or illness to be “cured”. Not therapy or self-help. 

It’s a sustaining endeavor for our interior lives and our relationships, like water and food is for the body. Incidentally, caring for the body falls within the bounds of Soul Care.

Ten Signs that You Need the Renewal of Soul Care 

1. Fruitlessness. Are there observable deficits in the enacted your Fruit of the Spirit? That means, is there any lack or slack in the


areas of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control? (If not, I think E.T. went home without you. Phone again. You might want to text, and retweet as well.)

2. You find yourself perceiving things others say as personally offensive, or as direct attacks. 

3. You are “venting” more in person or online.
4. You feel unloved.
5.You feel increased frustration, restlessness, or desolation.

6.Your fears and anxiety are more prevalent.

7.You have increased tension in relationships.

8. You struggle with one or more of the “seven deadly 

sins”: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. 


9. You have problems sleeping or bad dreams.

10. You’re in a creative slump. 


THE #1 myth about the soul is that…. you have one. You don’t have a soul you are a Soul. You have a body. George MacDonald, in 1892 (C.S. Lewis quotes him and the quote is mistakenly attributed to him sometimes)

Think of the Soul as “the real you” the essence of you. contained in a body, yes, but made up of everything about you in a pure sense.

Some might say the soul gets extinguished or goes to paradise or gets absorbed into the great Life Force (God) …but in terms of what you need…you always need Soul Care, because you are a soul and that include both the visible and the invisible.

All this more and much more is available in my book. Shame-filled plug.

Mindset Followup: A [visual] framework for abundance

[scroll down for visual guide]

I used to think books with “daily affirmations” were goofy new-age baloney.

Why would reciting some sappy self-help mantra change anything?

I still don’t own a book of daily affirmations but I’ve learned a lot about transformation.

Plus, the recent empirical scientific data shows what many of us who’ve studied spiritual formation already knew from a long record of wisdom writings and human history:

“As a man thinks so he is.”

3D brain scans verify that our thoughts, habits, and patterns (physically) change our brains, down to the cellular level and even into our DNA!

Prayer works like focus. Meditation works like concentration. And yes, affirmations can truly transform attitudes.

All 6 can, and do, change us for the better. It comes down to effort.

With practice, bad habits get harder to break (not so great), but new thoughts and actions build new cortical pathways (hope for betterment!).

I have some firm beliefs that I’m bent on making a potent reality:

1. My perspective can determine my actions.

2. My attitude can improve my life.

3. Reminding myself of the truth about abundance can transform me.

4. Connecting to a positive version of reality can revitalize me.

5. Hope is my choice.


I decided to create a handy guide to make each day better.


If you ever struggle with being positive and hopeful, I hope this makes it easier.

It’s really helped me to see the path visually.

I’m hoping to improve how I determine and live out my outlook and actions each day. How about we do it together?

Sure, we’ll fail sometimes, but maybe some guidance will steer us right again, soon.

Skeptical? Give it a chance.

Seriously. Try it for a few days:


1. Use this visual guide to help you.

2. Remind yourself throughout the day about your choice of a scarcity or an abundance mindset.

3. At the end of each day, review and see if you lost track of your perspective–then recommit to keep at it.

3. Note your mood and attitude throughout the day to gauge your progress.

4. Share your progress and this guide with others, if you’ve been helped.

I made it for you to ebed at your website, or share on Facebook or pinterest.

Want to pass it along? I’d love that.


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