God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob...perhaps putting the smite on someone.
On Wednesday, I have something special for ya’ll. My interview with David Lamb will be posted. It’s one of the most interesting interviews I’ve ever done. In his new book, he covers smiting, among other things. It’s called God Behaving Badly: Is the God of the Old Testament Angry, Sexist and Racist?
In advance of this über cool post, I want to throw out something to chew on.
What bothers you most about God? Just be honest. Maybe nothing does, or maybe you think he smites people recklessly in the Old Testament accounts. Maybe you think he has Anger Management Issues… whatever it is, let’s hear it.
Then we’ll tackle (or approach might be the more accurate word) at least some of those things this week.
Also, feel free to check out these related previous posts:
Is Autumn ‘Mental Illness Season’?
It seems like Autumn and Mental Illness come as a pair, sometimes. From what I’ve been able to observe, if one’s going to suffer with something mentally, it’ll usually be between September-Februrary. Seriously, have you noticed this? Think back. Let me know.Is it not enough sunlight? Too many emotionally taxing holidays? Too chilly? Something with barometric pressures? I don’t know. But, let’s get on the same page.
What is Good Health vs. Normal Health?
If you’re healthy and you get a cold once in a while, you’re normal. If you get colds more frequently, you’re “a bit sickly”…but still, mostly, normal. What about if instead of a headache, sore throat, breathing troubles, and cough, it is your brain that “gets a cold”?
There is no reason to believe that the brain (with regards to chemistry, function, nutrition, environmental influences, etc) won’t be susceptible to maladies too, just like other parts of the body are. Science shows us clear indicators of genetic components. So, one can be prone to bad knees, or tendonitis, or sympathetic nervous system brain issues that make one prone to panic attacks, etc.
Of course, when one’s brain is ill, things can go badly quickly. For instance, one may be one’s worst advocate to resume health or find healing, if it is thinking which is impaired. Somehow, the brain (or we could say the “mind”: feelings/emotions + reason/intellect) gets tossed to another category when we think of the frailties of human illness. Saying you “sprained your brain” isn’t met with the same sympathy as saying you sprained your back, am I right?
Do We Love the Mentally Ill?
It’s an “untouchable,” or at least uncomfortable, category where someone’s inherent worth, inclusion in community, or spiritual devotion can be called into question. “Aw, uncle Boss? Sure he did that, he’s been more nuts ever since his time in the military…”
It’s a category we may fear or avoid talking about. Lines separating sane and insane get drawn. Such determinations sideline love, undermine grace, and even harm the true gospel message. Being “crazy” means that some one is alone in a special way. The numbers of Homeless who have a history of severe mental illness is about 25% (2009 National Coalition for the Homeless study).
So, if someone has brittle bones, falls, and breaks both legs? He’ll probably get more compassion or understanding than someone prone to mental illness who undergoes a bout with mania ending in a spending spree. Am I right?
The facts tell us that mental illnesses happen, more “normally” than we may care to imagine. Yet, it is those who are ill in the brain who feel so isolated and rejected during their tough times, compared to people who suffer in other ways.
For my Disability Studies class, I’m reading and learning not just about physical, and mental development impairments (wheelchairs and special education folks), but also of brain illness (mental illness). These are all people of the margins. Truly.
Darkness is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness, by Kathryn Greene-McCreight (Brazos Press 2006), is one of my course texts. I highly recommend it. Kathryn manages her Bipolar disorder, is theologian (Yale), an associate Episcopal priest, and a captivating writer.
Depression is one of the most common brain chemistry issues. By the year 2020, depression will be the 2nd most common health problem in the world. Read the rest of the Fast Fact Statistics here.
Here are the Symptoms of Depression from Greene-McCreight’s book, page 170.
5 or more of these 13 symptoms over a 14 day period, or if these symptoms interfere with a person’s normal life is considered Mental Illness or in this case, specifically, Depression.
• Major changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Uncharacteristic irritability, anger
• Feeling sad, crying more than usual
• Worries, anxieties
• Pessimism, feelings of failure
• Loss of energy, libido
• Unexplained physical aches and pains
• Hopelessness, guilt
• Inability to concentrate or make decisions
• Inability to carry out or care about personal hygiene (showering, brushing teeth, etc.)
• Lack of enjoyment in things formerly enjoyed
• No desire to socalize
• Recuring thoughts of death or suicide
Has this ever been you, or someone you know?
Probably.
See, it’s fairly “normal”.
What are some ideas for helping those with mental illness? Your input is vital for this conversation. Thank you for your contributions, and spreading the word.
Nathan is weird. Embrace it! (Pssssst. You’re weird too.)
I’m taking a Theology of Disabilities course right now. I have to admit that some baggage that I didn’t realize I was carrying has gotten heavy. I’m putting it down, starting now. The truth is, I realize I have felt disappointed by the church, and by my church. I’m hurt that the church has failed so badly in helping the disabled (specifically my disabled child) feel like they really belong. It’s not just about allowing the disabled to be there near us, it’s about really knowing them, and really appreciating who they are, because God made them, and they are valuable.
Ya see, times have changed. When I grew up in the 1980s, we’d all make fun of kids that “rode the short bus”…maybe not to their face, but imitating “Tards” was something I excelled at. I was hilarious. I was the disabled one, if we’re telling the truth here. I was spiritually retarded. God gave me a precious gift in my son to show me God’s true heart. To show me my true humanity. The disabled personify the weakness we avoid. Nathan helps me get over my human/secular and foolish ideas about what it means to belong and be successful in God’s worldview.
Here’s the other cool thing. God gave me Nathan to share with you, too!
I think, my generation still fears the disabled. I doubt many will dare admit it. (It’s not politically correct, and we can’t look like uncaring jerks, right?) To most of us, the disabled are still a stigmatized and strange group; and we don’t know what to do with them…we don’t know what to do around them…we aren’t sure what they need. It’s all quite uncomfortable. Gosh, we are so glad we are not them. And we’re afraid. Afraid of the unknown and the unfamiliar, and the “other”.
Here’s the surprising twist. Our (non disabled) kids don’t have the same mentality. They don’t. Over the last 10-20 years, those with disabilities haven’t been sent away to special schools. They have been included, or in far closer proximity to typically developing children. The secular, public schools have outdone, and surpassed the church in this area of grace. They have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church.
Please. Read those 2 previous sentences again…Slowly. Okay, never mind. I’ll just state it again: They (secular institutions and those who are a part of them) have honored and accepted disabled kids more than the church has.
(Yes. You should feel convicted right now. Even crying wouldn’t be over-the-top.)
As a Parent:
As the mom of a disabled child, I find that typically developing children, with just the a little bit of prompting or advice, adjust very well to interacting with my son, as if he’s a real human being who desires friendship. They even enjoy him! (It’s not just charity. It’s reciprocal friendship. It’s the kind of relating where everyone wins.)
On the other hand, I find that it is the parents of these (non disabled) children who are fearful, and unwilling to engage with my son, beyond the superficial. They are fearful enough to not help their child build friendships, or regularly interact with a disabled peer, or near-peer. They don’t create an easy opportunity for their child to grow, learn and become more compassionate. They don’t make it priority. As a child’s primary guide, this is a gross failure.
Church: But this is different at church, right? It’s a place of acceptance, and hospitality, and belonging, right? God’s love is shown in tangible ways, right? WRONG. My son has more meaningful relationships and friendships, and more grace shown to him with non Christians, in secular (even godless) environments, and with neighborhood children. (See, the government schools have been telling these kids that atypical kids were worth interacting with.)
KIDS @ PLAY
Once upon a time, I bemoaned to a woman at church the fact that Nathan had no friends at church, no meaningful interactions with any church children, no invitations extended to him to play with them, go to their birthday parties, or even watch a movie together (even after we had make a lot of efforts to create those situations and occasions). Her reply, “Well, I can’t force my kids to play with certain kids, and to like certain friends.”
I listened to her statement, and I didn’t really know what to say. This mom was prominent in the church. I didn’t challenge it. Upon reflection, I should have said, “LIKE HELL YOU CAN’T!”
As parents, we do it all the time. We curb or we encourage friendships for our kids regularly. Do we let our kids hang out with teenagers on the corner who are smoking? Uh, no. Does a naughty and petulant child get to sleep over? No. What about the children who bite, hit, or cuss? Do they get to make cookies in our kitchen with us? Nope. We influence our kids all the time. The fact is fear stops our hospitality. We stick with our comfort level, and pick our favorites.
I’m here to tell you that God has given us these different sounding and acting people as gifts, to teach us so much, but we don’t choose to interact, learn and be gracious.
“But I can’t find a disabled kid… What am I supposed to do?”
Well, try harder. Open your eyes. Ask around. Do you want the truth? The facts? Here they are: Do you live near 5 other homes? If you walk down your street, and pass 5 homes, 1 of those homes will be effected by disability. 1/5 of families are effected by disability everyday.
Do you know more than 6 children? If you know 6 children, 1 of them is likely to have a form of autism, or developmental issue.
Sometimes, I hear this: “Is it my job? How can I be responsible for knowing other people’s needs. I’m just not in their shoes.”
Yes. It’s your job. A frequent reason (or cop out) is saying that the parents of disabled children should just say what they need, and make the efforts to get their kids included. BULL CRAP!
Just thinking up a list of wants and needs would sound exhausting to a parent of a disabled child. Some days, they are just trying to make it through the day without losing their minds. Over 85% percent of marriages don’t survive when a child has a disability. It’s tougher than you think it is.
Listen. These parents have enough to deal with. Wake up! They have enough to do than to also make sure typical children are accepting and relating to their disabled kid/s. Mostly, they are tired. It doesn’t feel worth the effort. Failure seems sure. They are surrounded by frequent disappointments, the broken dream of not having a normal kid, and lots of scheduling issues and therapeutic measures in school, community, and other locations that help their kid or their family. They don’t have enough energy to get people on board with that type of stuff on top of everything else. (Ask them what a typical week is like, go ahead.)
YOUTH GROUP
My son went from being very excited to be old enough to be included in the middle school Sunday School section (See, in 5th grade…you get to sit on cozy couches!!) to now, about a year later, in 6th grade, detesting Sunday School, feeling like an outcast (even more than he had before), and now he doesn’t even believe in God. He says, “God is an unbelievable story.” It must seem like a fairy tell because he doesn’t see the love of God displayed toward him.
Based on the way many Christians behave toward him, he has an excellent point.
Like plenty of other children with autism or developmental disabilities (BTW…”developmental disabilities ” is nicest term for “retards” or the “mentally retarded”), Nathan doesn’t get abstract ideas like, “Is Jesus in your heart?” (He hears, “Is a bearded man in your chest cavity?” Utter nonsense!)
Nathan can’t see or touch Jesus; we have to be Jesus for him. He has to experience love-in-action, benefit from it, and be allowed to return this love as an equal. I don’t know if it’s too late for my church to be hospitable in the way that he’ll to want to be a part of it. I will keep that hope. I’m writing this now to start a change in how we respond and interact, so other kids with disabilities can feel like they belong, and are loved and accepted.
TIPS to get you started (for kids and adults) • Interaction doesn’t have to be hours of incredibly awesome friendship per day or week. A blood brother bond is not necessary. But, the interaction should be authentic, not out of duty or pity. Something simple like making something for them, sharing something, or just chatting pleasantly with them is plenty for starters.
• Asking about their interests (direct questions are best, maybe even just asking “yes or no” questions, at first), and then actually listening to them (even when you may not always understand them or know what to say) is helpful. They WILL understand when you care about them. Just take a bit of time to be gracious. It’ll do you good.
• Inviting them over for a snack, to watch a movie, take a walk, ride bikes, play with your pet, or play videos games may be enjoyable for them, and of course invite the family if possible. Ask if you can visit them. Create times that are specially for them, even if they are brief periods. 30-45 minutes is fine. (But realize they will love you for it, and want to do it again soon. My son never seems to stop talking about the boy we invited over to play, about 2 months ago.)
• Offer them yourself. Nothing fancy. Invest in them for real, emotionally, and with some of your time and efforts. When you offer authentic friendship it looks different than just a saying or doing the “right thing”. You take a risk.)
• Help them make a craft, picture, or a simple snack, play a game, look at a book, build with legos, and take the time to talk to them, or just be close by and attentive, etc. and show them you like them.
• Offer the parents of disabled kids respite time. Give them an hour or two break, and get the help, information, and extra helpers you may need to care for the child. (Only 10% of churches do this. Change this statistic.)
• Be inviting. What’s the worst that could happen if you invite a family over to your house? Maybe the child will do something unpredictable, and you won’t know what to do? Maybe you will feel uncomfortable? Get Over it.
MOVING FORWARD:
Where and how have you seen the disabled as full-fledged participants in your community or ministry? (How was it done rightly?)
AND–
How can I help you? If you want to show kindness, or God’s love to a family of a disabled person, or to a disabled person, What are your questions or concerns?
What about including or interacting with the disabled would you like to know?
What are your fears? Share them.
Let’s get this ball rolling. No question is off limits. Your comments, or experiences can be shared as well.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for changing for the better. -Lisa
Our ability to give hinges on our idea of how the world is, does it not? If we believe we must hold tightly to what we have, our ability to receive will also be hindered.
If we perceive others, God, or even life in general to be sparse in goodness and blessings, we will develop a generosity gap. Something besides giving fills that gap, so we give less. The desire to give wanes too. Eventually, we will live thoroughly according to our purview –which is a close-fisted plexus of Generosity, and a closed system.
Fear and mistrust are the guiding elements in a close-fisted worldview. The close fist builds the muscles of fear and mistrust, and these sinews burgeon into every area of our life. Where God’s people do not give generously, there is a culture and predominating sentiment of mistrust and fear, toward God and others. This is, sadly, also an attribute of spiritual immaturity. Perfect love casts out fear. Perfected love and grace spurs generosity–a very reflection of God’s nature.
Our behavior reflects our Theology. (i.e. It mirrors the way we have studied and apprehended the Supreme Being)
The temptation to withhold is a temptation to not trust in God. It will indeed effect our worship of God, and diminish our spiritual growth.
Is there a cure? YES. (Well, cure is rather strong word…but let’s continue…)
In short, to be generous in deed and in spirit, remember God’s faithfulness. Notice the lavish displays of God’s generosity, even in his astonishing creation. The intricate details of his many designs, the lavish beauty everywhere in nature, are surprisingly needless–unless we consider God as a generous Being, par excellence.
Verse for Reflection: II Cor.10-15
Now [God] who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
Questions:
Do you think God is stingy? Do you feel your blessing are few? What treasure do you have that you must give more freely to God (time, talents, funds, other)?
Recommended Spiritual Discipling (training) to help galvanize Generosity:
Fasting.
(If you’d like to work on your generosity, with your ministry or small group, or use fasting as training to promote generosity, contact me.)
I’m warning you, right from the start. I’m going to use a word I haven’t used before when blogging, and maybe only 12 times otherwise. It’s one of those words that could make me lose all my readers, maybe even you. But, I’m going to do it, because I have to tell the truth.
I have “checkmark envy”. When I see the Verified Twitter Account, the checkmark reversed out of cyan, I want one, too. Badly. It’s been going on for about three months. It has everything to do with feelings of self-worth. Important people have Verified Accounts. People that matter. Wanting it has everything to do with sensing my value, and worst of all vanity.
So, I realized something, Vanity is spiritual masturbation.
Now that I said “the M word”, I want to unpack what I just said, so we don’t miss the forrest for the trees.
Some people think masturbation can make you blind. Do people still think this? This obviously reflects poorly on blind people. It’s made me question Stevie Wonder, for instance. Well, not really. (After I wrote this, I found out it’s Stevie’s birthday today…what a “God thing”, huh? I mean, sorry Stevie for that extra weird bit of undue attention on your special day.)
Some people think it’s perverted. Some think it’s necessary. Some think it’s just plain fun. Some say, when in doubt, do it. Like Nike, right? Never mind.
Here’s what it really is. It’s a reduction and diminution of a real and powerful thing. The goodness of sexual intimacy is given a shabby surrogate. It’s not more or better, it’s less. It’s a shortcut that cheats you–producing fulfillment temporarily, but soon leaving you feeling more isolated or lonely; even trapped, or increasingly compulsive.
Vanity is the same way, but more thoroughly. It holds hands and makes out with shame. It’s focused on sensing worthiness in a weird, circular, and disappointing quest.
It’s given me the courage to admit this kind of spiritual masturbation addiction I avoid revealing.
I want to be somebody. God’s answer (healing) for this is to be thoroughly aware of being known and loved ever still in him. It’ll take my whole life to fully get there. This is but one of my forward steps.
