Tag: guilt

Episode 2 (Wet Dog Fur Wine and Brene Brown)

Show notes:

Episode 2 (Wet Dog Fur Wine and Brene Brown)

Make sure your wine never tastes like wet dog fur. huh?

 

Spark my muse is The podcast for curious creatives types, wine newbies, and those willing to put up with my occasional silliness. Thank you so much for sharing your time with me.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:45 — 9.9MB) | Embed

Subscribe to Spark My Muse Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Email | TuneIn | RSS | Subscribe to Spark My Muse

Today:

How wine can go to the dogs and how to best store wine in the wine segment.

Plus, a bit about a topic and a book that has made a huge difference in my life.

This episode of the podcast is brought to you by:

Dog in the Gap

Having a pet in your care, who helplessly depends on your for life and well being can teach you a lot of things. 10 essays both funny and insightful written by 2 authors and plenty of memorable photos.

Or get the bonus addition for $1 more that has an extra essay and non public video links, and other assorted goodies.
Name Your Link

Today’s wine segment!

Why might your wine taste like wet dog fur….and what to do about it?

Basic Stats:
A wine bottle has 25.33 oz. (750ml).
A serving (a glass) of wine is 5 oz . (Half way up the glass is full. Where the glass is widest (aroma reasons in the design)
1 bottle = five glasses.

If your wine smells stale or like wet dog fur…it is Corked!

(The cork is not working and too much air has mixed with the wine.)

Wine last 24 hours if the air is pumped out
Here’s the one I recommend we use it at work. It pays for itself after two uses.

Wine lasts only a few hours if it’s not pumped. It’s not harmful, but it won’t taste its best. Pushing the cork back in won’t help too much because air is trapped in there.

Another reason Wine is stored on its side to expand the cork. A bottle corked with a plastic cork won’t be helped by horizontal storage.

On the next PODCAST – I’ll talk about my favorite tool for opening wine and why, and the bottle opening tools you should (probably) avoid !

 

Now to spark your Muse

Brené Brown’s work made its mark on me before she did her famous 1st TED TALK which lead to you famous ins TED Talk on her research about shame and vulnerability at the University of Houston.

 

 

The topics in the book and some of the passages I’ll read to you have really gained new significance  because putting up a podcast is risky. I feel vulnerable and I feel like I might get rejected. Some people won’t like it and I can’t change that. I don’t want to fail. And I don’t want to look like an idiot. And looking like an idiot is extremely probable.

When we are about to step out into unknown territory or if we doing something that makes us more vulnerable the two main things we think are “who do you think you are?” and “You’rd going to look like a fool” and I might add one to that “You won’t do it right” (it ’s related to the 2nd one) Maybe you can think of others that come to you mind.

We seem okay to handle other people’s vulnerability but really reluctant to risk that ourselves.

Excerpts from Daring Greatly:

Pg 35 “I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”

My note: We can’t risk feeling vulnerable if we are dealing with shame.

pg 68 “people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection”

My note: Social also social pain. We fear rejection and isolation.

pg 67 “shame derives its power from being unspeakable”

Language and story bring light to shame and destroy it

pg 71

Guilt is “I did something wrong”

Shame is “I am bad” (or “I am something wrong”)

• When new feel shame we lash out, get anxious, hide, or numb out, and really we need to do the opposite of those things to have victory.

• Instead of lashing out or hiding we need to reach out, to some one we can trust.

• Instead of overcompensating we have to cut ourselves a break. “I make mistakes. I’m moving on past this one.”

Pg 80 Brené says “If I own the story I get to write the ending.” I just heard a fascinating TED TALK from Monica Lewinsky and she sounds like she’s taking this advise. She said it was time to take back her story and control her own narrative.

Reaching out and being honest creates an environment of empathy, and that’s really why I’m sharing all this with you.

Don’t be afraid to create and do things that are your passion. And mess up while doing them. I’m messing up a lot, but I’m trying to not let those mistakes put me in a choke hold of shame and inaction.

I hope you will be inspired to do the same.

Thanks for listening today!

Or if you have read Daring Greatly, what was the most powerful thing you learned. I’d love to hear from you! Leave comments at sparkmymuse.com or the email contact@sparkmymuse.com

subscribe to the podcast….tell your friends what you and I have been up to. See you soon.

For just $1 you can help the show purchase better sound equipment for better quality in future podcasts!

Special perks and rewards are available too. Join with the Spark My Muse community at the Spark My Muse page at Patreon! Click the image for more info.

patreon

Self- Righteous: What other people are

It’s a good thing you aren’t self-righteous, or this would be a tough article to read.law

 

…so, I had a fascinating discussion with a friend about “modern-day Pharisees” in the church and what can be done about it.

(This issue extends far beyond the church and people of faith. In short, we may and do all suffer from self-righteousness somehow because we all fall prey to self-deception.)

There’s no way to recapture the conversation I had, but I hope that my noting the highlights is interesting to you.

 

Summary: Self-Righteous, Pharisee-types seem to be what other people are…this little twist makes getting rid of the problem very hard.

• In short, a pharisaical person is self-righteous.
– The assume they are in the right, doing right, alright. Am I right? Right!

• Most people think they are right most of the time.
– Few people think, “I’m usually wrong and you and others are usually right.”

• People feel they believe the truth, not lies. (Sounds obvious, sure, but consider the greater implications.)
– Obviously, we can’t all be right, but this doesn’t really entering our minds as applying to us.

• Most people believe that OTHER people are self-righteous / pharisaical, not them.
(or if they are pharisaical, it’s only sometimes. The situation doesn’t really trouble them.)

• Self-Righteousness is a delusional episode of the sin pride. It pivots on one losing track of one’s own ongoing and un-remedied sinfulness, as well as one’s blindness to the guilt and weight of that sin.

(Thus, we become self-satisfied with our level of goodness and immune to the devastating implications of sin in any unmitigated form. I’m just great and I’m happy about it. I’m not like you!)

• Unhealthy pride is a universal human malady.

– Whoops, that means it applies to ME and YOU. eesh.

• Recognition of one’s sin that move one toward humility to repent (to God and others) is one of the only sure-fire cures, albeit a temporary one.

—

If you care to weigh in on the topic, go right ahead.

What is the best remedy for pride, in your opinion?

-L

10 Misconceptions Christians have about non believers

Christ Pantocrator study

DUCKMARX via Compfight

This might read heavy because I’m confronting some pervasive concepts. It’s like I’m playing the heavy, but try to read it in a gracious spirit because it is meant to bring clarity not conflict. Plus, I have a damp sense of humor  [not too wet and not super dry either] so take that into account. Chill and stuff.

Okay, buckle in for the bit of Groundwork:

First, from my end, I make no secret here that I see things from the paradigm of a Christian worldview. This has been my family background, my life experience, and the central feature in my graduate education. That’s my lens.

In having a lens I’m not alone. In fact, every one sees reality through his or her own lens, but not everyone will really investigate and coordinate their worldview in a consistent way. I won’t either, not because I’m not making an effort, but because seeing the task to completion is so massive and unwieldy. As I approach this topic I come with a vatanage point…and so do you.

We can take as a given:
Our beliefs will cloud our perceptions and our perceptions will work to evidence our already held beliefs–except in rare cases where we make a focused and conscious effort to consider or accept another point of view. Those cases are quite rare because we tend to use our life experiences to back up what we already think is true. (I’m reiterating.) So, when a change happens–it can be big. This is essentially how the Christian idea of “conversion” plays out too: A person is thinking one thing about reality, and somehow becomes convinced of something else and has a turnaround to something new. Christians would also say God had a direct part in igniting that process.

Peeking outside the Bubble:
In learning more about the people outside the Christian belief “bubble,” I’ve noticed that plenty of my assumptions about non Christians were flawed, false, or incomplete. Other times, I’ve noticed that while some of these perceptions may ring true at first blush, they more often reflect a universal truth about what it means to be human, (and do not effectively describe the group that doesn’t ascribe to the Christian belief system.)

The 10 misconceptions are things that many Christians want to be true. If they are not it could convince them that Christianity doesn’t provide the best answers. This fear can cause people to be even more unreasonable or averse to mystery…even though Christianity is chocked full of mystery. I’ve come to a place where I am more settled with mystery.

Christianity provides a framework for me, and everyone has a framework whether they know it or not and whether they like it or not. Christianity takes many shapes in different eras and in different cultures. Since I came from a conservative fundamentalist background I first saw the world through that lens. I haven’t retained all those same beliefs. Now the beliefs I ascribe to are not as important as the person I am becoming. Jesus as God-man is plausible and that is fine for me. For others, that simply will not be enough. For non Christians it will be too narrow for their spirituality. I also  realize that Christians may sometimes perpetuate myths for an imperious framework needed to maintain fervency.

Better that we see these misconceptions for what they are than run afoul with them and forget whose image is the object of our recreation. (That would be Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, if you aren’t following me.) I give you these misconceptions to expand your ideas about the Christian framework and how it can help more than hurt.

Now to the 10 Misconceptions:

1. Non believers aren’t spiritual, or at best they are pseudo spiritual.

This is false because the amount of mystery and the unknown in life as we perceive it (being finite in mind and body) all point to the spiritual (the unseen). What is pseudo spiritual to some is more likely to be something that smacks as out of sync with one’s prescribed Christian beliefs. We are all spiritual and what we try to understand outside of we what is know is be definition spiritual, whether is a referred at that or not. The interest in spiritual things has been vibrant throughout human history as long as we have been trying to understanding our world. The “brand” (if you will) of spiritual that is may be may be off-putting depending on your experience, training, or preferences. Ex: “Using Tarot cards is pseudo spiritual.” Actually, using them is an attempt to understand the spiritual, but for Christians it falls outside the scope of what is acceptable because of the tenants residing in the Bible.

2. Non believers aren’t happy because they don’t know Jesus.

This is a complex and interesting misconception because it assumes that Christians are happy, by contrast. Many are not. Many are miserable and their Christian belief system has not given them this happiness. Christians may behave as if they are discontent or unhappy also. Certainly some Christians are content and at peace for periods of time, and some are remarkably hopeful and peaceful is even the most horrible circumstances. Nevertheless this is also true of non Christians.

3. Non believers do good things to “get them to heaven”, or to otherwise alleviate their sin-guilt.

What is more often the case is that people (Christian and non) try to do good things because they feel they should. Their motivations are quite varied and prove to be shallow or to be deep. Christians, though they may feel their eternal destiny is secure, will do good things sometimes for reasons just as poorly conceived as non believers. Strangely, it can boil down, in the final count, to semantics. It’s false to guess the true motivations of why people do good. Better to do Good for the love of it and accept the good at face value as it can only be originally sourced in the Source of goodness–apart from whom no goodness dwells. The idea that actual goodness cannot come from non Christians contradicts the Christian precept that a good God has created all of us and that same God works through all of creation, (and even those who do not knowledge “him”.)

4. Non believers can’t have peace with God.

For Christians, peace with God usually looks like a publicly confessed accession to the belief that Jesus is the Savior who died for the sins of humankind (i.e. somehow understanding atonement). But, in general, peace with God is probably as varied as there are people in the world. Grace is sufficient and comes in a manner of ways that point to the ultimate work of Grace that is of and from God. If by peace we are really speaking of contentment, and not atonement, then many do arrive at peace with God at some point in their lives. Many also arrive at a place of grace and forgiveness as it is God’s prerogative how this happens. The very idea of grace necessitates that a mental ascension is not the crux of the matter at all. Sometimes it is not at all involved as any modicum of studying a Christian theology of (mental) disability will reveal. Grace does not require anything on the part of the recipient accept perhaps a sort of acceptance. What that does or doesn’t have to be has be a rueful point over the years but is actually quite simple and easy if we are to believe in its true nature.

5. Non believers have misperceptions about reality and their place in the world.

Our finite minds give each person the opportunity to routinely misperceive reality, regardless of her beliefs in Jesus or God. No one has the corner on this problem. We share our foolishness in this regard across the whole spectrum of humankind. To think otherwise is to underscore the misperception.

Since this post is getting too long, the next 5 misconceptions will be revealed in the next post-here.

Thanks for reading!

Pass this along, will you?

Do you agree? I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Judo Chop Your Inner ZOMBIE: 3 Ways


 zomtxt

So, first you have to decide if you’re busy or numb.

The last post talked about that. It’s the necessary reading for this post. (Plus, there’s a hilarious Judo Chop knockout 26 second video you should see.)

Maybe you’re some of both. Read on!

Judo Chopping your inner Zombie = Judo Chopping FEAR

If you’re stuck and assuming some Zombie qualities here  are 3 Ways to deal a Judo Chop blow to what’s holding you back! (btw this is the best and funniest example of how an actual Judo Chop works to knock someone out cold. It surprised me!)

1. Move from self-soothing to solutions

Example:

You want another job but as you troll around to find one at a big employment website…you find it’s complicated and tedious. All those stupid forms to fill out again and again! CURSES! You get bogged down. In a bit, you get distracted or you burnout in frustration. Time to check FACEBOOK, Intagram, or Pintrest. . . buzz—-you’re a zombie! (Can’t relate? Just think of anything else that takes a while and how you tend to get bogged down.)

Solution: Change the whole dynamic. Jump to the end.

Use a computer at a library that has a time limit. (Time limits are the death of passivity.) Make a few phone calls that close the gap between you and someone else, and see what’s available with the contacts you already have in real life. Jumping to the end usually involves direct connects. Don’t avoid it.

Find a way to jump over the lag and drag. Reach out for help. For real. JUDO CHOP the Zombie!

2. Look Harder. 

Example: 

You’re bouncing around on Facebook or otherwise dawdling. You feel frustrated, stuck, or disconnected and ineffectual. You see a neighbor in their yard and think something mean or critical about them. BUZZ–Zombie alert! (It’s you!)

Solution: Look harder at what’s bothering you. 

When we start turning on people we are going numb, because we’re trying to anesthetize our own pain by throwing it outward. Start noticing the red flags. You’re numbing out, my friend. Get real about your pain. Take a few (literal) notes. (we’ve all heard the phrase that ‘s turned into a cliché, “Admitting it is the first step.” This is your big chance. But lots of chances will surface. Assess what you are really feeling.)

After that, refer to Step 1. Judo Chop the Zombie!

3. Put in a Gate

gategarden

Example:

You’re at a stop sign and you’re thinking, “Can I make a text from here, or will it take too long?”

or Someone asks you to help on a project and you’d rather sleep, avoid them (in the first place), or find an exit.

Solution: Get your GATE on

The truth is we need boundaries. Using electric fences with barbed wire as some of us are prone to do only disconnects us and keeps us numb.

“Good fences make good neighbors” goes the adage. That doesn’t mean, build a fence to keep everyone out. It means you have neighbors and you need neighbors (some people call this community), but defined boundaries make it better for everyone.

If you have a white picket fence instead of one a federal penitentiary uses, people can see you and you can see them. Busting through in an emergent is possible or you can jump it to reach out. Picket style fences mark off where your sanctuary is and the gate you “install” determines the entry point.

It’s a balance: Don’t use high iron bars like a jailbird, but don’t expect that a boarder row of pansies will get the point across either. If you’re inundated you need a better fence, but to JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie always include a gate.

Boundaries Explained
We need to allocate time for ourselves and what’s really important. This turns out to be people and not things. Things keep us numb. People give us the connection and belonging we are craving. But it’s painful and tricky stuff to be sure. Don’t feel guilt about making boundaries: Our fences need gateways to get let certain things in at certain times.

Want a SECRET WEAPON?

Don’t JUDO CHOP your inner Zombie alone. Grab another Zombie and go for it. Jump the pen of isolation. (more on that in the next post!)

Ending numbness happens in groups. Yes, so do Zombie attacks, but in the end of a Zombie attack there are less brains to go around. So, partner, ally forces, pick someone and make efforts to be a better friend.

Don’t miss that next post! (add this blog to your RSS feed, your bookmark list, or sign up to get instant access when a post goes live. Click in the sidebar to get started.)

 (gate:photo source)

(zombie: photo source)

 

5 Ways Others Sabotage Your Creative Mojo

sky painter Sam Javanrouh via Compfight

When you’re doing a project, starting something creative, or otherwise trying to upgrade your life, sabotage comes at you from many angles.

Think of it as a sign that you’re on the right track.

A little prep work can serve to inoculate you from intentional or unintentional sabotage.

5 Ways Others Sabotage Your Creative Mojo

1. Diversion. Fun opportunities, a needy spouse or friend, or a buzz of busyness will pervade your surroundings splitting your energies, and stretching you too far. Sometimes your focus and determination will draw others to you like a magnet. But instead of giving useable support,  they’ll be agents of distraction. Strict boundaries are the best defense.

2. Guilt-trips. Phrases like,
“You don’t seem to have time for me.”
“I never see you anymore.” 
“You seem so busy.” give you the sense that you’re not being a good person as you pursue your project. Reassure these saboteurs while claiming ground. Tell them you have to balance your life differently now.

3. Bargain-makers. “If you do “this” for me, I’ll do “this” for you,” type phrases signal that your creative energy or determination is being met with a subtle attack. It’s a way to be manipulated away from your task at hand, too. You might need to clarify you needs succinctly and repeatedly: “I’m sorry I can’y get off-task right now. I’ll be able to do more in a month (or whatever time you decide).

Just in writing this very post, I’ll had to say this to my two children 8 times in the last 15 minutes. The “broken record” tactic sends a solid message like only repetition can. But, you must persist!

4. Punitive Words and Deeds. Be it the “cold shoulder”, the passive aggressive responses, yelling and confrontation, or subtle bullying, when others pushback at what you’re doing you must muster the mental toughness to soldier on. Do it before the punishment comes from them.

5. Threats.
 When others say, “If you do that, this will happen.” Or, “I don’t think I can support you if you go in this direction,” they may be trying to manipulate your creative mojo off-task for selfish reasons. If/then statements offer a tipoff that all or nothing attitudes pervade your interactions and risk derailing you. Minimize threats with a calm resolved response and carry on.

 

Surely there are others. What trips you up?